There are two things at play here: what someone is/isn't willing to do and what will or not bring more love in their marriage.
boundaries bring more love into relationships, they create security between both parties in the relationship.
someone is abusing you and you are supposed to act as if? someone is violating your morals, values and beliefs and you act as if? Always???????
there is a reason you can't sleep, eat, think or have hope- because you are going against your core principles. Another man is sleeping with your wife/husband and you act as if? I wouldn't let a friend treat men the way a WS in an affair is (taking money, time , love, energy, from my family, hurting my kids, and disrespecting me) - would you dbmod?
"LOVE your neighbor as yourself." i LOVE YOU but I can't tolerate behavior that damages out relationship. A marriage comes with rules - love, honor and cherish. There is nothing better than to tell a WAS in affair that your behavior does not love, honor or cherish - me, our marriage or yourself.
It's not "manning up", or going against any DB principle to take care of yourself and state what is acceptable behavior in your marriage. God stated boundaries, good parents have boundaries, and healthy marriages have boundaries.
It's malpractice to tell someone to always act as if. As your friend I would not give anyone that advice, I would say if it is bothering you then it is your responsibility to bring it up. In a mature , calm, direct, effective way and what the consequences are if the behavior continues. Now you have a choice instead of just acting as if. Acting as if can make you a victim. Neither attractive or healthy for you.
Real friends respect each other.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
