Pickle- I understand how frustrated you are. You (like me) just want to do what is going to work. You do not want a divorce and you want your wife back. Some people say that drawing a hard line will work, putting your foot down, not tolerating the affair. It might, it might not. Others say to try to reestablish a connection. Work on being friends, validate what she is saying. Again it might work, it might not. From doing lots of reading on this board I have seen instances of both approaches working and failing. That is the problem, there is no fool proof solution and that is so frustrating!! I think that you are right to do what you feel most comfortable with. What will actions will cause you to be able to accept that you did everything that you could if it doesn't work and the marriage fails. This is just my opinion, but I do think that you can set firm boundaries without filing for a divorce. I think it is Dr. Phil that says many people start to make the changes that can actually save a marriage after the divorce is filed, because they start focusing on themselves and the changes that they need to make. He believes that if more people would do this before the divorce there would be less divorces. So I think trying to stall the divorce can be helpful, as long as you are making the changes that need to be made while you are stalling it. Hang in there. This is so hard, especially when there are kids involved.
