Thank you for your posts, and especially for posting your early morning conversation with H. It sounds as though you think that H has difficulty trusting your changes and that is a big obstacle to his reconciling with you. Is it possible that if you spent more time with H that he would be able to see that your changes are real? Perhaps this is something that you could propose to him if you think it makes sense.
I've lost track of where OW is in your situation. I know she was working in the company for a long time. Is she still there? Is H still living with her? Please forgive me for not remembering. Is it possible that your H filed again because of OW's urging? Or is it possible that he filed because he felt that the situation required some closure of some sort? ..........Or is it possible that he filed out of love for you because he knew that you would continue to "be there" if the D wasn't final? I'm just throwing ideas out there. ...........The two of you had a very honest conversation the other night. Do you think H would be able to field more honest conversation on these topics? ...............Just thinking that honest communication, in a loving manner, could be another approach to use at this point, since you had that very honest conversation a few days ago and you now know where H stands.
I will pose a question to you that Jody posed to me awhile back: "Is it possible that your H thinks that your behavior will change (your positive changes will stop) if OW goes away?" H may be enjoying the new you (the girl he fell in love with) and may be afraid to rock the boat. Maybe you need to show him somehow that your changes are genuine even without OW around.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
My instinct is telling me to go to the mediation and simply state that nothing will happen due to the fact that H is not there. I am not going to mediate without his representation of himself.
I am not going to go in there an tell them to give me everything including a quick divorce. I don't want the divorce. I don't think H wants a divorce, he just hasn't admitted it yet.
This ^^^^^^^ sounds like a fair and honest approach. You will have nothing to regret if you do this. Until and unless you are really done with the M it makes no sense for you to D H. I think you were at that point out of frustration awhile ago.........but after your conversation with H it doesn't sound as though you are as certain now.
