WAW The cold & cruel truth 2

[Blessed2BeADad]

I thought I may have been ok with that one... Back to the drawing board.

Today I took D6 Christmas caroling with her Girl Scout troop. What a special moment we shared. They sang at an assisted living facility. It was very touching to see all the elderly eyes light up and sing with them. I could tell for some of them the world around them faded away as they focused and sang with those beautiful girls. An old man got up and said I would like to sing something for you girls. A deep shaky, but great voice as he sang Oh Holy Night. Wonderful... Powerful! So me and my first born had a rare chance to spend the evening alone together, laughing and eating cookies. She was still on top of the world as I put her to bed and kissed her goodnight.

[Blessed2BeADad]

Ok so I'm reading this DR book. I like alot of what I'm reading, but one thing is driving me crazy. I keep reading about finding out what your doing wrong, finding what "works", etc. How much do I need to change? I've changed a ton already and it just never mattered... In fact it helped to make me look weaker and drive W away in my opinion. Maybe I'm confused at the moment... Idk. Here's how I feel... She has not changed crap! NOTHING! 3 years... She never changed a drop... She treats me like I wronged her still to this very day! I changed for her... I tried to spice things up... Go out more... Compromise more... Love more... Listen... Help... It basically got to the point where I did everything as she treated me worse and worse and demanded more and more. Where's the section about the guy who did his best... Gave his all... Changed and changed until he lost himself... For a W who I swear has gone CRAZY! just frustrated today

[Blessed2BeADad]

I seriously just wanna walk away!

[Blessed2BeADad]

Are you guys going dark on me? Lol

[BeingMe]

I'm new to your thread, so don't know the whole story. But, from your last post, it seems to me you've been pursuing your W for 3 years. It hasn't worked, so time to stop and rethink your options.

1. Change doesn't mean lose yourself. It means bettering yourself.
2. If something isn't working, stop doing it.
3. When the bomb was dropped, what did she say? Where did you go wrong in the M, in her opinion. Where did you got wrong, in your opinion. The truth lies somewhere between. Re-visit those words, and see if there is anything you can glean from them that you can change now without losing yourself.
4. Set boundaries as to how you will be treated. If she insults you, tell her that you are done with her bad behaviour, and won't tolerate it. Walk away.
5. If she threatens, call her bluff, but mean what you say. For instance, if she says she'll leave if you don't do something, then tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out. Or, words to that effect. Don't be the doormat that she tramps on as she comes and goes as she pleases.
6. Don't say "I love you" anymore.
7. GAL of your own.
8. Get a positive attitude.
9. Do not get into a confrontational argument or fight.
10. Check for baby steps every couple of weeks. If nothing happens, then perhaps she needs the LRT.

Hope she comes around. I will try and read the rest of your sitch this afternoon.

Take care.

[BeingMe]

Not sure if this was the best response, bit this is how I responded...
Do you plan to be this way the rest of our lives? I hope for your sake and our children's sake you won't. As I've said before I currently have no interest in pursuing you, and I'm doing my part as a father AND THEN SOME... So please stop. Everything else is up to the attorneys... That's the way you chose it to be... I've just been following instructions. There is no need at this point to be cold & cruel to eachother. I didn't do anything to you... I haven't been mean to you... I'm glad you are finally happy. I do hope you find someone who loves and respects you regardless of any flaws... Someone who looks at you with pure live everyday. I have finally found some happiness in my life... I hope you are happy for me. We have 4 children together, so not communicating is nearly impossible.

Okay, I see you've done some of what I said. Cool!

[Blessed2BeADad]

There are times I wish I never had to see her again. Had anyone else gotten to the point where your somewhat repulsed by W?

[MrBond]

Yep. It comes from all the rejection, condemnation, hurt, shame, fear, etc. It comes in waves. Just keep the focus on you.

[Blessed2BeADad]

Took a little break from reading DR... Read some more last night. I seem to be in better spirits when I don't read it or other posts on here. I have not said much to her... Actually nothing until today. After reading DR about stop doing what's bit working, I'd tried something different from the past weeks. I have not spoken to her and she hasnir spokento me during drop offs and pickups for A LONG TIME, I decided to just try a different approach today... I went out as I normally did to switch cars and go get kids dim school and I said "Hello, How are you?" (that's pretty sad that I have to be concerned about just saying that)... Her response was to look at me like who in the F do I think I am talking to her... Sorta like a high class snob... I noticed she had on a new jacket and she looked pretty of course (of course the thought of her personality makes me throw up in my mouth when I think of it)... She walked away and I just said have a good day... She just said, you too.

Didn't seem like a wise choice based on the reaction, but I read about trying something else if what your doing does not seem to be working. Oh well. I will admit I was a but angry today, because I still can't understand her treating me so crappy, but as I've read... Noone know probably not even her.

I am so close to giving up! I'm just very fed up. I feel as most have even said, I'm a great man, not perfect of course, but I'm expected to be in order to win her back. I am as close to perfect as I want to be, and I feel I have done countless changes already... I along with MANY others love who I am... Who I've become... The man and father I know I am. She's blind and she is crazy!!! My first wife has lived with regret since she left me... Same thing got the I need space thing going... Same thing I pleaded and begged... When I did give up she wanted me back and recently told me... I have regretted leaving you 1000 times. She said you know what, when I married you I had the best man out there and didn't realize it... Since then Ive beenwith others and always compare them to you... They just never measured up and I'm still single because of that. She said she still wants me back, but knows it won't happen. She said my W is making a BIG mistake and said she will discover it when it's too late like her.

I agree... I know me... I will try and try and try... But when the situation goes beyond humiliation... Insanity,... I'm done... She WILL NOT have another chance no matter what she says or does. That's my line in the sand... she's dangerously close! The more I read, the more angry I become... Regardless of how she got her... It's inexcuseable for her to treat me with such disrespect, with such a lack of dignity... I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG... she did!!!! I've just Fn had it!!!!

[MrBond]

"Hello, How are you?"
If you decided to do this. Then try sticking with it. do it again for a week and see what happens.

It [censored] not getting anything back. I get it. But I did this with my W and she acted the same way. But it didn't stop me. I kept things light and figured that if she didnt' want to answer me, then that was a stick up her @$$ not mine. After the 4th time, she answered. A short answer, but an answer nonetheless. Then that answer became longer and before I realized it we were actually having a conversation.

Does the anger still linger? Sure it comes out. Sometimes in one crashing wave. But then you learn to overcome it. But again that's up to you on what you decide to do and are willing to tolerate.