I think you might be co-parenting in the wrong direction. OF course, part of my bias is that my kids are older, and that may be the difference.
I don't think the key is doing things together, in the end, especially with the young kids like yours, I think they are getting mixed messages from that. That's not to say you don't do things like go to the same events, but maybe you don't follow up by going to Santa together, of lunch together.
My guys seem to be doing well, XW and I were talking about it last night in fact. But I don't think its the time when we are in the same place that makes the difference. I think it's that the kids know both of their parents are looking out for them, and will do what it takes to take care of them. They know that we talk to each other, and that we are not fighting over them, or tearing each other down. They don't have any illusions that we are getting back together, but they also know that they are going to be taken care of, and they are ok.
The problem is that it definitely takes two parents acting more or less like adults to pull it off. I don't know how you get Dan on board. It seems to me the best you can do is lead by example, but there's no good evidence that he will follow.
I am going to think some more, there has to be a better way! But to start, I really think you would be better served to not be around him as much. Even if that means missing some things you would like to be at. Maybe the kids need to get the feeling that you are comfortable trusting Dan to be Dad without you?
