Well, unfortunately i am back......3 years later

[Ruikee]

"I almost broke down, it was so painful. Because this should be a team effort for our son, and i felt very alone handling it all on my own. ITs just me and my baby in this huge house all weekend....difficult when youre whole family should be together...."

Yet.. But, these are the moments that define you as a person do they not?

Yes, i believe since i did handle it in the end, and took care of the baby all weekend on my own, it also defines me as a father.

Tell me what worked the last time you DB'd?
After i did all the common wrong things, beggin, pleading, sending flowers etc. I actually moved out of the house and in with a friend. Continued going to church basically going dark, she called me out of the blue and went on to say she didnt want to be 39 and divorced twice, etc. However we did not have a child together, only her stepson, so NC was not a big deal .

"Weird thing, is this has happened every 3 years almost to the month."

So you can clearly see the cycle. Why did you come full circle again?
Lots of things lead up to it. Moved my 64 old mother down and had to spend alot of money and time, put alot of stress on both of us, at the same time we got a puppy for the kids, and a promotionat work.

"Once we reconciled the last time, i asked her to promise me, if it got bad again, grab me by the hands, sit me down, and tell me its bad again."

Are you really gonna tell me that you need her to hand hold you thru this? Did you really not see it coming.. again?

To be honest no. I have been doing alot of counseling reading and research, and due to my abusive childhood, an am an admitted vebal abuser using mostly a covert type of VA. Because of the way a VA creates his relationships from the outward in, backwards in other words, they are not aware of what they are doing until someone "wakes him/her up, or they are sledgehammered by their spouse with a seperation. do a searcrch on verbal abuse and you will understand. There is another memeber on here that has been trying to "wake her husband up for many years and he still can not understand what he is doing.

"She threw a huge guilt trip on me. "I dont see why you are being so inflexible, if you really loved your son as much as you claim, you would reschedule your appt. I really need that therapy, but I did end up rescheduling and taking my son who ended up being very sick that morning."

Don't let her push you into a corner. Or.. don't let her drive your life from "her house". 99% of this stuff is controlling things where you can and being smart enough to see the chances.

Can you go a little further with the second part of this one, i dont really get it....

What is weird to me.. is this post was your best one. It showed some emotion. Answer the questions.. think about them. Don't give me canned answers.

Thanks for your response and the support.