"I almost broke down, it was so painful. Because this should be a team effort for our son, and i felt very alone handling it all on my own. ITs just me and my baby in this huge house all weekend....difficult when youre whole family should be together...."
Yet.. But, these are the moments that define you as a person do they not?
Yes, i believe since i did handle it in the end, and took care of the baby all weekend on my own, it also defines me as a father.
Tell me what worked the last time you DB'd? After i did all the common wrong things, beggin, pleading, sending flowers etc. I actually moved out of the house and in with a friend. Continued going to church basically going dark, she called me out of the blue and went on to say she didnt want to be 39 and divorced twice, etc. However we did not have a child together, only her stepson, so NC was not a big deal .
"Weird thing, is this has happened every 3 years almost to the month."
So you can clearly see the cycle. Why did you come full circle again? Lots of things lead up to it. Moved my 64 old mother down and had to spend alot of money and time, put alot of stress on both of us, at the same time we got a puppy for the kids, and a promotionat work.
"Once we reconciled the last time, i asked her to promise me, if it got bad again, grab me by the hands, sit me down, and tell me its bad again."
Are you really gonna tell me that you need her to hand hold you thru this? Did you really not see it coming.. again?
To be honest no. I have been doing alot of counseling reading and research, and due to my abusive childhood, an am an admitted vebal abuser using mostly a covert type of VA. Because of the way a VA creates his relationships from the outward in, backwards in other words, they are not aware of what they are doing until someone "wakes him/her up, or they are sledgehammered by their spouse with a seperation. do a searcrch on verbal abuse and you will understand. There is another memeber on here that has been trying to "wake her husband up for many years and he still can not understand what he is doing.
"She threw a huge guilt trip on me. "I dont see why you are being so inflexible, if you really loved your son as much as you claim, you would reschedule your appt. I really need that therapy, but I did end up rescheduling and taking my son who ended up being very sick that morning."
Don't let her push you into a corner. Or.. don't let her drive your life from "her house". 99% of this stuff is controlling things where you can and being smart enough to see the chances.
Can you go a little further with the second part of this one, i dont really get it....
What is weird to me.. is this post was your best one. It showed some emotion. Answer the questions.. think about them. Don't give me canned answers.
Thanks for your response and the support.
M - 42 W - 41 Married 9 years July 24, 2010 WAW moved out 8-9-10 2nd Marriage for Both S 2 SS 13 from W first Marriage
Feeling very anxious today, i have to pick up the baby today. W is not attending his speech today, but i still feel very anxious. Trying to eat but very hard. I dont know why i get this way when i pick up my S.
M - 42 W - 41 Married 9 years July 24, 2010 WAW moved out 8-9-10 2nd Marriage for Both S 2 SS 13 from W first Marriage
Maybe because based upon your posts, when you pick up or drop off your son your wife is pretty mean to you?
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When i dropped him off, we got him dressed and started to walk. So she then says, i know you are not going to like this and it will be hard to take, but my pastor has been talking about forgiveness, and i have asked God to forgive me for marrying you.
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every interaction with W now while exchanging the baby, she asks where i am going. I dropped him off on Thanksgiving morning. She said, i dont know why you are trying to get rid of him so early. You know we dont have dinner until 4.
That she attacks you through him, and also because being with just him reminds you of what is missing...her.
Ruikee, enjoy your son. Protect him from this as best you can, when your with him, force yourself into being happy around him. Kids pick up on the smallest things.
PS -
Quote:
I whispered she was probably going to give me some bad news.
Don't do that crap unless you want to be a martyr, or for people to view you as one.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
W texted me early yesterday, saying she would not be coming to S speech therapy because she has a meeting. I did not respond. So she calls later in the day and says i just wanted to see of you got my text, because you did not respond. I said i got it its fine if you have a meeting. Whats the deal, it really didnt require a response.
M - 42 W - 41 Married 9 years July 24, 2010 WAW moved out 8-9-10 2nd Marriage for Both S 2 SS 13 from W first Marriage
Either not responded or validated. When i dont respond she usually says how does that make you feel or how do you feel. When and if she brings up the password what would be the proper response?
M - 42 W - 41 Married 9 years July 24, 2010 WAW moved out 8-9-10 2nd Marriage for Both S 2 SS 13 from W first Marriage
So she then says, i know you are not going to like this and it will be hard to take, but my pastor has been talking about forgiveness, and i have asked God to forgive me for marrying you.
"I agree. I have done some thinking too and you're right, you've never been the wife I've wanted or needed. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for not seeing this."
Quote:
every interaction with W now while exchanging the baby, she asks where i am going. I dropped him off on Thanksgiving morning. She said, i dont know why you are trying to get rid of him so early. You know we dont have dinner until 4.
"I am sorry you feel that I am trying to get rid of him. I brought him here so you can spend some quality time together."
"Where are you going?"
"Unless you need help with anything related to our son, I really don't have time to chat."
