Well I asked her when she was going to the courthouse because she had said by friday. She said she didn't know? So I asked her if she would be willing to do the seperation paper instead of the D paper she. Said what's the point I am not going to have some agreement controlling what I do or saying I have someone waiting for me a year from now. I said ok. Then at least give us 6 months on the D. Why she says. I say for our heads to settle. I told her I wont do anything to stop her from buying the property she is looking at. Just give some time she ended up saying ok whatever. Body language was less stressed after. Then we talked about her work for a few. This is hard to do.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
OM broke his own no contact yesterday I am getting advice to expose the affair again. The reality is I have little proof. Should I confront my W first and make sure OM W confronts him as well? She is suppossed to take the next step toward purchase of property today unknown if she is approved for a loan yet she did seem upset yesterday at the idea of her name actually coming off our house. The real issue rt now. What do I do about the OM contacting her again? There has only been a verbal and text NC not a letter.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
As these scenarios change i found a phone call from OM took place yesterday. Below are the details pulled from the other forum I am on. I do not know if the intention behind the contact is for real but this is what I found out. OK I contacted OM SPouse. She doesn't listen to well. I have asked her to let me know if there was contact. It sounds like Thursday night my W emailed OM saying she was Mad at him and all done with me and this R. Told him she was moving on. OM told his spouse this AM that he did call my W because of the hateful email she sent. Supposedly he is remorseful over all this and since he was a friend he doesn't want to see my marriage end ( he should have thought of that before) so his end of the conversation he says was trying to convince her not to leave me. Telling her to think about it for the kids. ( it maybe nothing but now that I know when the phone call was her behavior was different, not giddy like back in the affair but docile) Now i am given the impression that she thinks I cheated on her at some point due to something she said to OM ( I have not) So OM is still telling his spouse that he wants to fix the M he tells her when she emails or calls or texts. The problem appears to be my W so maybe I should just let her go live on her own without the kids and go dark for a while. She apparantly is done with this M, maybe she has a fantasy that the A will continue. Sorry some of this is venting.
I am not dismissing any of your tactics I have raised OM spouses awareness. She is checking some things. This is the most concerned she has sounded in a while I reminded her to not believe anything and remain suspicious. She has been very complacent just believing him. He has expressed to her over and over that he wants to save the marriage. I know it could be a line of BS and I continue to remind her of that. I encouraged her again to get on MB site.
Sadly I am at the point where It is much better in my house without her here that I am beginniing to doubt trying to save this. Although I still believe her to be fogged in. She said the other day she is just done. Done being married done trusting people, done asking for help. I have tried to explain my wifes personality my support friend saw her one day picking kids up and my W was essentially hiding behind a tree. That is why I end up balancing divorce and being able to have good parental relations for my kids or divorced and her not communicating yes alot of speculation.
Should i ask her about the phone call now I was told about It. Of course
Is there any truth to If you let it go and it comes back it really loves you.
I truly believe in them being excellent liars and I am posting all this to share the info. Based on my wifes behavior I cannot see any action I take changing her course of action. Would you say that too is a possible outcome? That she has her mind set and that is it? I will work this sitch.
I am again wondering if I should expose let what happens happen or try to talk with her tonight in a calm fashion. I at least want to try to address her imagined issue that I cheated on her which I could do without disclosing I know about the phone call. I feel maybe that maybe driving her to leave rt now. Maybe that bad information from friends and family she got? Any suggestions?
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
OK, what a fun Saturday, The OM Spouse found my W's email and sent her a letter addressing the A and no contact. Sent via email so she got it right away on her phone. I believe the content was on par with Marriage Builders No contact letter. She cc'd me. My w's reaction when she got home. w: can we talk me: do we need to w: yes me:ok W: I am done i want a divorce you are dealing with me I am hearing stories and dealing with OM, now OM Spouse and i cant take it I am going to have a break down. I am done I don't want to talk. I don't want to see anyone. I will get through xmass and I am done. me: calmly reminded her i still love her the kids do we want her in the house. On the stories I said what are you hearing stories about me I have been faithful to you all theses years and commited i love you and still do. Will you do one thing before you file just give it some time for our heads to settle. W: soft spoken ok fine. a little more talk she says she cannot stay here tonight. She is a wreck. Says she is going to find somplace to stay where nobody will know where she is. So she left here and OM Spouse tells me she emailed him to ask if he got in trouble. OM spouse got the email responded to her via text asking her to stop and wanted her to know that OM told OM Spouse about the email and phone call and that OM spous says she has had enough. We are rediscussing OM doing a NC letter I mentioned restraining order. And we both agree that his response to that will tell us where we stand. OM Spouse knows she cannot force him.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Not precisely the OM spouse is a very close ally not a stranger the a is suppossedly done. The om keeps commiting to rebuilding the M. My W is clammed up not ready to talk still. As soon as I make a little headway she regresses again the om spouse finally took some actions today.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
It would be helpful if OM would "dump" your W, but she would have to work through another set of emotions.....like rejection from him.
A RO might be helpful, especially if he could not be anywhere around your children.
The idea way would be that the root of the M problem would be solved, your W would initiate ending the A, and she would feel strongly attracted to you.
Even if this A ends, if her emotional needs are not met by you....she could enter another A. It could be with the same man or a different man. She is searching for somebody to make her feel good, to offer her hope at happiness in the future. If she's looking for romance or excitement.....whatever, she will keep searching out other men to fulfill that dream. That's why just getting rid of OM doesn't automatically make everying okay.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
The background on the A is this EA began somtime around march -may 2010 brief PA a few times OM says to OM spouse ending it in june. My W began acting off end of June then July through Sept we started counseling based on communication issues. One night when I pushed as to what was going on the bomb dropped. Then she got all weird. And this post affair behavior. OM says it has been done has not restarted that they communicated in the fall because of the reveal. He one night about a month ago verbally told her to leave him alone rude and drunk is what I was told. And a week later sent a no contact text. OM spouse says he doesn't believe in letters.
My W will not discuss the A she will not open up about it. She bottles up part of the reason we got to this point. She bottled alot of things instead of telling me.
So she was dumped by him. She even said one night she did not have a choice but for it to be over.
I understand getting rid of OM is not the cure all. With 5 kids it is hard to accomplish all I want to to make changes. Alot of projects she always said were fine to wait on ding ding .....were an issue..... But now with this situation, she is doing next to nothing. She is gone from home as much as possible. At her sisters or working more. So I am trying but the kids take time and I am home most.
I am trying to address the things that bother her. I am backed off and have been. I listen and validate. She is not staying at home tonight as she was leaving I reminded her kindly that If she needs me she knows my number. I complimented her on her attire. Lastly I said you may not want to hear this right now but I still Love you. the response was Thank You. So what do I do with all this, no exagerration here either. Stay the course. Don't give up until the judge says it's done (she has not filed yet). It is hard to maintain any sort of hope. Especially knowing the amount of work it will take if she decides to commit to this marriage.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
