Most importantly...if you get the okay to move back, you CANNOT start acting like the same jealous person you were. You have to start controlling your actions and emotions or else you'll find yourself at step one all over again.
Are you ready to do that?
So, John, how would you act if you felt completely secure--what would you be doing, what would you be saying?
The GAL activity will totally remove your mind from the situation you find yourself in. It is typically something just outside of your normal comfort zone.
I know I'm a Newbie here, but truer words have never been spoken. My GALing has been things that I either just put off because it made me uncomfortable or things I got lazy about. Now when I do those things, it takes my mind off my sitch, I actually get into a zone when I'm working out & when I'm doing other things, I don't waste time thinking about my H. It's my "All About Me" time. I think when you truly do the GALing for yourself, your spouse isn't even part of the equation.
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
Well she went to atl with a gf this weekend. The friend says my w dosnt really wanna talk about me and that its bad. She said she it trying to work for me but this I may just wanna move on. Another friend tried to get her to go with us to the football game but my w said no that I might think she wants me. Who knows
What else? What would your body language be like? What would you be doing differently when she walked in the door? Would you have different activities if you felt more confident?
Those are general words that no one reading here knows EXACTLY what you would be doing. Specifically, describe what a bird in the room would see. What activities would you be doing. Describe it in a way that someone else here can repeat what you are doing.
I know it takes work, but you will be very clear when you are finished.
The tone coming from everyone of your posts is desperation and need.
Shoot, we all remember those days. One of the things I remember most about those days is what absolute and total wastes they were once I was able to look back.
I remember just sitting and staring into space while it seemed like millions of thoughts ran through my head.
I remember walking and sometimes even talking out loud...sometimes to God, sometimes to the wife who didn't want me anymore...sometimes even to no one in particular just to try to get some of what was boiling inside to the outside.
And all those days were wasted. Flat out wasted.
The changes in my life began when I began to change.
Perhaps that sounds overly trite or cliched, but it's true.
When I started worrying more about ME, more about my two BOYS, more about my JOB, more about things I was interested in...THAT is when things started to improve.
I'm not sure you understand your true position here. Your wife has essentially sent you packing and told you it was over. In your desperation you are doing two things. Number One: you are HOPING that making some behavioral changes will make her change her mind. Number Two: you are MONITORING every little utterance from her, whether directly or through other people, and trying to divine what she is really feeling towards you.
You have to STOP.
You are wasting time.
Accept that her thoughts towards you are that she is done and does not want a life with you.
Accept that she wants to move on.
And get to work on making your life what it should be. Get to work on finding peace, finding enjoyment, finding fulfillment on your own.
And here is where you interupt with "Yeah BUT..."
There is no but John.
Your only hope as it regards the relationship with your wife is that by allowing her WHAT SHE WANTS, by allowing her to sever this relationship, you might allow her the breathing space to take stock of her situation, maybe begin to see you in a different light, and maybe, just maybe, one day want to look in your general direction again.
Remember that this woman loved you once. She may choose to love you again.
But not if you remain the desperate, needy, can't let her go man that you are being now.
By choosing to live your life the way you are right now, you are reinforcing every negative image she has of you.
I know you've heard the cliche about needing to let something go if you truly love it.
Is your wife a possession, or a person that you truly love?
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
