BUT nowhere in your post do YOU take ANY responsibility in the failing of your marriage. It takes TWO people to make it work and TWO people to make it fail.
I understand how one justifies their actions if they are not getting what they want. But as a more logical, less emotional person I also realize how childish and spoiled and selfish that position is.
YES 25, I left my wife emotionally! Why? Because for the first 15 out of our 16 year marriage my W would tell me that I don't make enough money and we don't have enough and always compared me to all her other friends husbands. She was/is rigid and not always fun... She is nicer to her friends then to her husband and children.
Never mind the fact that SHE stayed home with our children for 12 years, and we live in a VERY large home, and we own rental property and a winter home in FL, and have money in the bank and investments. Never mind the fact that she wears designer cloths and has more than 10 Coach purses at over $300 each.
What do you think SHE did to ME emotionally? Can I go out and find the excitement of new love with OW? Can I go out and taste and touch and tease OW? Am I justified because I felt/feel emotionally disconnected?
I tell you this because WE ALL play a role in the demise of a marriage. I should not have left her emotionally and SHE should not have left ME... BUT I AM HERE FIGHTING REGARDLESS!
It is 100% YOUR FAULT for giving yourself to OM just as it is/was my W... YOU had a choice and YOU chose to lie and cheat as did my W (yes an EA IS cheating at least in my eyes). Again, I say this not to blame but to point out that we have choices and we are solely responsible for those choices. ANYONE can justify anything. That does not mean it is justified.
I am not angry though I may sound it. I am a realist and morals are morals! I fully forgive my W and will work hard on my M and do not judge her for her transgressions. BUT all that said, SHE CAN NOT have ANY type of relations with ANY OTHER MEN!!! That's my boundary! That's my dignity! That's my self-respect! And I WOULD NOT respect myself if I let her... And you know what? SHE would not respect me if I let her.
And yes, for ME allowing and EA right in front of me IS THE SAME as watching my W have a PA in front of me. She is giving a piece of herself to another...
PA = Body EA = Mind
I am not willing to share any of it... Show me even one place in DB/DR where it states that a S should put up with this type of mental abuse...
Punchy... You will need to read your own sitch and act based on what you feel is right. I don't know you nor do I know your wife.
And I pray that your marriage lasts and you find yourself in white shoes retired in FL with your W by your side.
We ALL deserve that! Have a wonderful weekend...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
