I think by waiting until you're in the bedroom, even if it's just nonsexual, is missing out on a lot of opportunities to rebuild the connection that leads to physical intimacy.
Her actions around this are out of your control. I fear if you keep trying to 'influence' her in this area she is going to start feeling inadequate and controlled.
FMV, It sounds like I've been coasting for some time in the physical intimacy area. When that part of a R has been derailed it's hard to know when it's safe to resume. I need to start taking small steps towards nonsexual physical connection beyond the bedroom.
It's hard to know where the line is between influencing and controlling. I think I stay shy of the controlling line in terms of encouraging her to join me at our fitness center. I invite her to join me, push a little, and then back-off if it's clear she doesn't want to.
Last night we performed with our studio's formation team at a downtown convention and met afterwards for drinks. It gave us an opportunity to connect with fellow students of the studio, and for others to get to know us as a couple.
Tonight we're attempting another big hall ballroom dance. I'm insisting to my W that we stay at least two hours, and we can leave if she wants after that. In the past, I let her abruptly cut short the evening, because she was intimidated by it. I'll give her my attention, and will only dance with others, if she's with a partner. She'll probably pick at my technique rather than relax into the evening, I'll not let it influence my evening. Hopefully, it goes better this time around, as we both have a broader repertoire. She doesn't like to struggle in public, which is her issue. I can relax into mistakes better than she can. I'll try to remember all experiences are part of the process of exploration and developing a dance partnership.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
