It'a All About Me

[Sanderika]

Hi all,

I have a mediation appt on Monday at 9:00am. I had my lawyer send my H a letter reminding him of it and to also remind him that he owed me child support and spousal support. I got a copy of the letter yesterday and while she was firm and direct it was very professional. H got a copy too.....

Last night at 3:38am I got a call from H. He left a voice mail on my cell telling me that he was not going to the mediation. He further went on to tell me to just take everything. He said he has no money and that if it's money I need/want to take it all.

To back up a bit, before I could play this voice mail H called back at 3:42am. I answered this call. He reiterated what he just left me and then went on to say that he didn't care about the money and that this was not about money at all. Money isn't important to him he just needs his work. He was adamant about giving me everything. WTH?!?!?!?!?

He said that he just doesn't see us able to work it out. He said he loves me very much and is still in love with me. He said he left 5 years ago, not because he didn't love me but because he didn't like me and who I had become. He now realizes that I am the girl he fell in love with to begin with and doesn't know what to do at all. He said he believes what he sees is true but only I know for real what is the truth. Soooo, he doesn't trust me. It's a trust issue for him?!?!?

He said he is confused and doesn't want to handle the divorce proceedings at all because he doesn't really care one way or another and just wants me to take over all of it.

H wants to write me a letter this weekend to take to the mediation stating to give me exactly what I want. He said he just doesn't care and asked me to leave him $200.00 bucks in his pocket. He asked me to please leave him his position in the company and that he would be lost without his career.

Sooo.....in all this I told him that this didn't make it easier on me. I said that I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce. I started to cry. H said "I know you don't want to divorce S", he said it with such empathy and sadness. In fact he said it many times over the conversation. I told him that what I wanted was to go to mediation and tell them that I want my husband and family back, unfortunately they can't grant me that. I told my H that I love him very much and that I didn't think given our true feelings that a divorce was acceptable. I asked him point blank "Do you want a divorce, yes or no?" He said he cannot answer that question. I told him that IMO we are very good together and that we get along so well. As a couple we were great together and we did great things together. He agreed with hesitation.

I accused him of being in a relationship with OW now and very wrapped up in her life and her family. I said that he had chosen her 100 million times over the past 5 years over me and son. I said from what I see he must be happy with that choice. He said "if you say so, I must be then", Then he added...."maybe I'm not, I will have to think about that."

After all this rambling and trust me it's all out of context. I was awoken from a dead sleep and am suffering the onset of a cold
I am shaken by his early hours call.....

Sooo.....What do I do with this? Help me everyone....

Sanderika