I can do this...

[irishblessings]

S played well - but team lost. H walks across the gym looking....horrendous. Oldest D and I were sitting in the stand - basically speechless because he just walked in cocky as ever. It was ok because it just demonstrated how out of whack this whole thing is.

[AntoniaB]

It sounds like you're starting to make that shift into recognizing in bits and pieces the things about your life that are still really good or maybe even better/flourishing and contrasting that with all the negative stuff. I think that's a big hump to get over and just because you get over it here and there doesn't mean it is cleared forever, but think about it, a month or so ago you wouldn't even see that hump coming up in the road you'd be down so far. It's all good, all progress.

Yeah my diet was horrific there for awhile and I lost 20 pounds on top of what I had lost from last year's separation, but I have gained back 11 pounds from my lowest point, and while it might show I'm no longer depressed, it's not good for my back, so I have to get started exercising again. It was awesome to have lost all that weight, but I had some hair thinning as a result, which is NOT cool.

[punkin]

Morning Irish,

Sorry about Son's game. I know how seriously teens take these things when they are really into them. Every defeat seems like a personal defeat.

Isn't it like seeing your H through opened eyes? My H has been looking steadily grimer over the past few years, but he has gained his weight back, and looks 15 years old than me, and he is 3 years younger. You wonder, "Who do you see when you look in the mirror?" The MLC has them blinded to their own true reflection, in more ways than one.

Keep passing the open windows.

[irishblessings]

Another Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody....just kidding!

I have myself - my kids - my family - my friends - my kids' friends - and I have faith/God. Lucky me!

Tonight cooked S's fave dinner/dessert and he and his girlfriend chose to spend their "date night" here just hanging and eating mom's food. There is NOTHING better.

Monday my baby will be 17. If all of this sh*t had to happen - I hate for him that he is this age but I love the fact that I have him home for another year and a half. I came home from running errands today to find that he had completely cleaned the garage so we could park the cars! He was SO proud of himself. I couldn't thank him enough.

I'm trying to prepare myself for a much reduced christmas spending season this year. I just can't do it and keep everything else on time and moving forward. There are so many things I need to say to people to thank them for their support over the last months. I will get through this.

Enjoy your Sunday friends and thank you for being here for me!

[courageous wife]

Hi IB!

Your S should be proud of himself! How nice of him to do that!
I am also trying to prepare for a reduced Christmas! Reduced everything but the true meaning of Christmas is still there!!!

Hope you have a good rest of the weekend IB!!!!

[irishblessings]

This happens to be a night that I am having trouble sleeping. As I look through this sight I am very surprised that this seems to be the most active forum. Is there a connection between midlife and increase in divorces? It is beginning to feel epidemic - and that is not a good thing!

[seeking answers]

IB,

Unfortunately, we are but few here, with at least half of marriages ending in divorce in the U.S. that includes all ages. It's no wonder in our 'throw away' society where if you don't like something, you get rid of it away and get a new one. Very few stop to think that maybe with some work on both parts that something old could be new again and worth saving.

What I think is unique and special about those that come to these boards is that they are looking for ways to save a marriage, compared to how many marriages end without much effort at saving it.

At least for most of those that take the time and interest to come here to try to save their marriage, end up saving themselves, and that IMO is the real success of these boards.

[irishblessings]

Threw a couples baby shower today for a younger friend of mine. She has been like a sister to me for 15 years. The shower turned out lovely but driving home the tears just fell because most of the people were young couples doing their things. Several of them have worked with my H so that was a bit uncomfortable. But I just stayed positive.

Tomorrow is another day...today I was a good friend.

[irishblessings]

So, H took S out for his bday. It was just another difficult thing - doing these separate celebrations just break my heart. S said he has cried a couple times over the last few days - just missing the way we were.

Ugh......how can H walk around like he has never been happier - so at peace. I know, I know the answer I just have to say it!

[punkin]

Irish,

Remember how you 'put on a happy face' at the shower? Your husband does the very same thing in public. What he feels deep down inside, when he is alone and it is dark outside, that is when the truth he refuses to face haunts him. You have this Board to come to. What does he have? A bartender? (No offense to any bartenders on this board intended)

He can only push reality away when he is around other people. Otherwise, he'd look like the fool he is. Most men I know, including my H, can't bear to look like a fool.

As far as separate celebrations go, you have to way the alternative. Would you be happier if he had no contact with son at all? Would your son? He's old enough to make his decision in regard to that part, but which way would you, as his mother, steer him? Taking the high road is H@)), but we make it somehow.

I know how much it hurts. My H has turned any contact I have with my stepson and his family into a contest.

Just keep being the Mom you are, and your son needs.

Keep passing the open windows.