Thank you for this insight. What really resonated with me is your comment around do you want to be right, or do what is right for marriage. To address my hurt re finding out about the EA, I would like nothing more than to tell her to end it or move out, tell her family about what she has being do and contact the OM and tell him to stop interfering with my family and our marriage Crisis.
These would all give me much short term pleasure and release, but in the long term I do not think they would not be helpful. She has told me that she had reached out to the OM because I was not there to meet her emotional needs. She is correct about this. I was not there for her.
I think my wife like you is wrestling with what it would be like to sit down with our 3 children and tell them that we are getting a divorce. It is something that I cannot imagine myself doing and that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I truly think that this is where she is at.
I have told her that I am here to support and work through whatever path she wants to take. Being supportive vs issuing the ultimatum is the big question. My personal pride says to issue it amd let whatever fall-out there is to simply unfold. The father and husband in me only wants to do what will be best for my family in the long run.
