So - the decision has been made for me. Today, H went to see my father and basically told him that he was moving out after the holidays, that there was no chance for us, that he is not concerned with the consequences of leaving me and the children (he doesn't think there will be any) and that there is no hope for our relationship or for reconciliation - he also blamed me for most of our problems. My father called me after and then I confronted H later. He claimed he didn't tell my father anything that he hadn't already told me (not true). I asked if he was divorcing me or wanted a separation. He said he wanted a separation. I asked why not just divorce me if you have no hope? He said he never told my father he didn't have any hope. I asked if this he planned for this separation to be permanent. He said he didn't know. I asked if he was still contacting his ex-wife. He said he had been talking to her but that she had nothing to do with this - if she did, he would have just moved in with her (I don't buy this for a minute - he can't move in with her because her ex is suing her for his half of the house and there probably won't be a house in a few months for him to move into!).
I was disgusted, angry, hurt, beyond pained. I told him if I had my way, he would be out tomorrow. He said he still wanted to stay for the holidays because he didn't want to be remembered as the "dad who left during Christmas". I told him that this separation would mean that he had no guarantees I would be here if he chose to return - that my life would move forward with or without him. I reminded him that up until now, I had been the anchor for our ship but that now, the ship would be entering unchartered waters. He said he knew this. I told him he could no longer sleep in our bed - he then said he had only been doing it for comfort sake and that he would be fine sleeping on the couch. And that was it.
He called me about 30 minutes later, saying he was at a toy store and asking me my opinion on thing - as if the previous conversation meant nothing.
He went out to dinner with friends. The kids and I left before he got home from work and before his dinner - I couldn't stand to see his face.
So what do I do now?? How in the world do I co-exist for the next few weeks until he moves out? Do I just "pretend" and be nice? Do I pretend that I'm unconcerned with his leaving? Do I help him pack?
This hurts so much. I am sick for myself and for my children. They don't deserve this.
M9+ T 11+ Me42 H44 2 kids under 5 IlYBNILWY -3/10 A discovered late 8/10 H moved out early 9/10 - back two weeks later "Taking a Break" - H moves out 1/2/10
