Help!!!!! It's 2;45 am, I just checked the computer history & found out my H spent a good portion of last night researching divorce & lawyers. I don't know what to do at this point!! I've been doing my 180, following everything, no pursuing, nice, but not too nice, GALing, working out, not asking questions....that is until this week-end. Let's just say we got into a heated argument Sun that carried over into Mon because I was still so upset. Which is too bad, because come to find out, he got me a Christmas present on Saturday. Since then he's ramped up his cold shoulder treatment, I tried staying friendly towards him, even through the cold shoulder, I even made dinner Tues night, but then on Wed I just gave up & gave it right back to him. And now to come find out, last night he looked for more divorce info on the Internet. I literally am at my wit's end, my emotions are all over the place. Please, would someone give me some advice on where I should go from here? Please!!
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
Latest update, H looked at more divorce info today, as well as tickets to the Superbowl, things to do for Spring Break, MLK Day, New Year's & New Year's in Brisbane, Aust. This was a complete shock as my H doesn't like to do things like that, nor does he like to spend a lot of money, hell his biggest complete about ME was finances. It almost makes me wonder if he read my FB page because late last night my friends & I posted about going to Vegas next year.
I'm hanging on by a thread here, I barely was able to eat anything today, but some how I managed to not show him how troubled I am, I spoke to him, kept the conversation on idle chit chat, all while I was dying inside. Any advice?
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
H is going to the divorce attorney this morning. I asked him as he was leaving if he was going & he said yes, he was going to tell me when he got home. So does anyone have anything more helpful to add, since I'm unemploymed haven't been able to find a job in almost 4 months & now my husband is going to see a lawyer about a divorce. I would really appreciate some helpful advice, thanks!
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
The advice I'm looking for is how do I respond to H when he gets home from seeing the lawyer? He is planning on talking to me about the appointment. Obviously I can't ignore him, so if anyone has any advice on what I should say to him I would appreciate it. Thanks!
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
Anyone? H should be home soon. Does anyone have any helpful advice on how I should respond to him when he gets back from seeing the lawyer? Ignoring him won't work either. Thanks!
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
Well I'm glad that H & I had a talk before he went to the atty. I asked him why he was going to see the atty since to me it seemed he was rushing to get the D. He said he had questions since the research he had done about D's was conflicting, he wanted to know specifics about the required dates.
We also talked about the reasons for the D. He said it's because he doesn't love me anymore. I said you feel nothing for me? He said you're a good person, of course I feel something for you, otherwise I wouldn't care about making sure you don't end up on the streets & why I'm willing to pay you $700 a month for a year after the D. I said you won't try to make it work. He said no, it's too late. I asked him to be more specific. He said I've noticed the changes you've made, you're working out & being more social, but it's too late, I should have already known that I should have been doing these things all along. He didn't want me to have done them for him, he said I should have just done them for myself when it mattered. That I should have also found friends, that he couldn't be responsible for everything for me. He said I also used to complain at him when he went out with his friends. BUT, in my own defense, I only did that about 4 times, of course I didn't say this to him, I wanted him to continue.
I asked if there was someone else. He said no & besides when would he have been able to see anyone else since he's only gone a few hours in the AM a couple of days a week in school, otherwise he's home all the time. I did say I wish you had put as much effort into saving our marriage as you are into ending it. He agreed that would have been a good idea.
He also said he can't afford me, that it's just too much paying for everything, meaning our household bills since I pay for my own debt/bills with my unemployment.
After he got back from seeing the atty, he told me that we would have to be considered separated for a min. of 8 months before the paperwork could even get started, then it would be a min. of 4 months before the paperwork got before the judge. He told the atty we've been separated for two months, which is a lie, it's only been a few weeks. He said if we said he had been separated for 8 months now, then the paperwork could get started. I told him I would think about that & get back to him.
So that's it in a nutshell, my GALing & 180 didn't work. Nor did my being upbeat & positive, while not being b*tchy or silent like I normally would when we weren't getting along didn't do anything at all to help the sitch. All in all I think it's done, there's nothing I can do to get him to reconsider.
My H has put more time into ending our marriage than saving it, which leads me to wonder if he ever truly loved me. Right now it feels as if he loves money & what having it represents more than he loved me.
And I asked if he had any feelings & he said of course he did otherwise he wouldn't be willing to pay me.
Yep, I want to know what changed too.
He did admit he's been feeling this way for awhile.
And that no, he's just not willing to work us out.
He'd rather just get the divorce, & that's when he said I just can't afford you. Kim :
It seems to me that for him money is his way of showing love
or affection
like I think you are a good person so that is why I am willing to pay you Me:
Hmmm, that's really good insight.
Because I had wondered what does him having feelings for me have to do with him paying me money.
He said exactly this, "of course I have feelings for you, that's why I want to make sure you won't end up on the streets & why I'm willing to pay you monthly money." Kim :
it seems to me that money is his reasoning for alot of things...you do not have a job and are relying more on his help at the moment therefore you are less attractive and he is not in love with you
M: 46 H: 39 Together 10 years, married almost 8 years No kids D day 11/23/15 GALing at this point
