Lying and Cheating

[Augtan]

So sorry you are here! It is a long, painful process to go thru an affair but when you add in a MLC with it, it is beyond anything I ever dreamed could happen to me, too!!

I never, ever dreamed someone could lie as much as my XH has lied and still look themselves in the mirror, so I get the lying too.

Mine too said he was never, ever coming back...and then the OW dumped him... and he started going in and out of the "tunnel" and even though he has never officially come back (we live 700 miles apart) I know he has searched his soul for a way to do it and just can't get there with all the MLC stuff in his way.

One mistake I made, that I highly advise you not to do and that is... give in on everything when it come to the divorce becasue you feel if you rock the boat or aren't completely agreeable he will never want to come home...I did that and lost big time!! He should have had to pay me alimony and he should have had to sell the house for a profit not let it go to short-sale...I agreed to both..he's still not home and we live completely below the means we are were accustomed to! It has been worse on my kids to have to leave everything behind because their dad is crazy than it has been for them to not have their dad around, because they don't want a relationship with him after all he has done, but being able to stay in their home and with their friends would have been a nice consoliation prize for all he took from us by destroying our family. We all lost so much and he could careless, he is the most selfish person I have ever known and I still ask how he could ever watch what he has put our kids through and live with himself, but he does and does it well! This is all the MLC husband not the one I married and I know that, but it doesn't take away what he has done and all the pain he has caused. I keep hoping my "real, non-ailen" husband will reappear and he might, but until then he is on his own. Like someone else said on here...he broke himself, so I can't fix him, he is on his own journey and I can't make him come on mine with me anymore..we use to be on a great journey together, but he got off and took another ship so to speak!!

I treat my XH very good and ride the wave so to speak when he is our of the tunnel so that if he were to ever come out he could honestly say that his XW was nothing but good and gracious to him and I will continue to do that for my kids, but no longer in hopes he will come home. I do it for me, cause being any other way towards him, makes me feel bad and it is about me and my recovery!! So, remember that your kids come first and don't give in to things in the divorce that is going to make their life harder in hopes that he might come home. Be nice, but be firm and have boundries that work for you and your kids!!

Hang in there! Everyone's situations are completely different so while someone else's might have an awful outcome, and their situation sounds a lot like your's doesn't mean your's will come out like their's...if that makes sense...and...pray, pray, pray!!

A