Having just lost my mom and feeling the extra hit of 3 very important holidays right afterward, I understand what you are feeling. I'm so sorry this is hitting you so hard. You need time to mourn and heal. Stop putting pressure on yourself to 'get over it'. It's not that easy. There are major consequences of just 'getting over it' without processing the sadness and loss. Trust me, I know. I didn't take the time I should have to mourn after my dad died and I just went on with my busy life at the time and only in the last year did I actually process it. 20+ years later! That was even more painful than it would have been then.
It's so hard to limit your daily mourning time, but you will need to do that for yourself and your family. Honestly, set aside an hour out of your day to be by yourself, take a walk, look through photo albums and hold those memories dear. Death is sad but, depending on what you believe, it is NOT the end. It's a next step into eternity. Your dad wouldn't want you to stay sad, but be sad for the moment and be happy that he his not in any pain any longer. When you see your watering system, think of his loving hands building it for you. Think of his hugs, his eyes, his smiles for you. Those will bring you comfort.
I don't know if this is the case for you, but I have had the image of my mom in death burned into my brain. I have been trying to replace that image with only one of her smiling and happy. Just like those famous stop signs we all learned to throw up in our DB minds, do the same. Put pictures in your mind of your dad in his best days. It will bring you comfort and happiness.
Maria, sweetheart, my own heart aches for you and I pray for you and your family daily. Be well, be strong, but most of all, BE YOU!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
mish, the first few days I could shake the image of hm dead. Tired and not the man I knew him to be all my life. People didnt recognise him at the funeral! You are so right, I was trying to think of him smiling and the light of his eyes shining through. I couldnt the first few days. All I could recall was...death. Now that I can, it's harder. Because that wonderful man is the man I miss and still want with me. I do believe that if there is heaven, my dad is at the first seats, close to God. I do know he is well now. But that doenst change the fact that he wanted to be with us, he loved life and his family.
My dad taught me another lesson with his death. His last note to us, spoke about about my mum. How she had been his partner in life, the one and only, and I felt (same did my bro) that his final words declared she came before us. He loved us dearly and we felt it all the years we had with him, but he wanted her and us to know, she was his biggest love. I felt... amazed. I asked how how she managed to be all that for him. She told me she loved him. Being in a child centred marriage that made me think.
Oldtimer, thanks for posting to me. I try to mourn when driving. I look at pics after the kids go to bed. I live, I go to work, but I cant pretend. Dont worry. I am not avoiding my sorrow.
H has been great. What he doenst get is how I have all these emotions out in the open. How I cry. He used to bottling up emotions. He told me he is still numb after his mum died, 7 years later.
Its such early days and grief is cyclical from what I understand - good days, bad days, nice memories that make you smile, those that make you cry. Cycling over memories and what happened is important so its great to talk it out and go over it again and again because thats what helps move towards acceptance. Much like when we were left really. I remember cycling over our R and when and why he left me for months and months and I needed to, it helped. That was a bereavement too, a loss and grief. I said this is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, other than H leaving. I am SO glad that he is back, there for you and holding you in his arms, I could kiss him for that! Sending you love and keep talking about your Dad sweetheart,
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well, another anniversary came and left. And H didnt even mention anything. I booked a night at a very very nice hotel in the center of the city and a session of massage for both of us and wine and flowers but we couldnt go yesterday, kids, schools etc.I had planned to tell him but since he didnt say anything I didnt do a thing...
Do you think he might have not wanted to say anything given the mourning period you are in? If he holds old world traditional mourning rituals to heart would he feel that it would be disrespectful to celebrate something so soon after a death in the family?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
