Help save my WAW

[MrBond]

Any intimacy? Do something different romantically. That's what separates you from a "friend". Have you done things that show that she is the woman you love and not just someone to hang out with?

[NotReadyToQuit]

No, I've been trying to be more distant and act like I'm fine without her. She told me she didn't love me and was done with our R. How could I try to be romantic? She would reject it and push her further away.

[MrBond]

She said she was done with you and didn't love you, but you two still hang out like roommates?

[NotReadyToQuit]

She didn't say she was done with ME, she said she still loved me but wasn't IN-LOVE with me anymore. We had been going to counseling, but she finally decided that she was done trying to work on our R and that there wasn't anything worth saving. She wants to be happy and in-love, and thinks she'll get that chance if we separate.

She told me not to move out yet and everything I've read says to stay as long as possible. Ever since then, things have been a lot less tense and she seems much happier. I've been trying to put on a brave face like nothing is wrong and that I'm fine without her(like I've read here).

So yeah, we've been hanging out kind of like roommates. She still lets me know what she's doing and still texts me when she's on her way home from work. I'm just so confused about what all this means. Is she just relieved to get all that off her chest and is now just hanging out with her "friend?" Or did getting that off her chest relieve some of her anger and uncertainty, and possibly let go a little and see me in a different light? Without so much resentment?

[NotReadyToQuit]

So we had a pretty good day/night yesterday. My W had her annual bone marrow biopsy and spent the rest of the day laying on the couch at her parents house (as she does after every test). Around lunchtime, I stopped by to see how she was doing and brought her her favorite drink. She was in good spirits and seemed happy to see me, even hugged me at the door and a couple times more when I left. Now I know I can't read anything in to this because she had taken a mild sedative to relax for the procedure, so she was probably not fully herself. Anyways, she was glad to see me.

She asked me if I would pick her up later on and so I did. She had to leave town today for work, so she had some packing to do. She asked me if I would lay on the bed while she packed because she had a couple outfits to try-on and wanted my opinion. I figured it was probably just to distract the dog so she could pack, but whatever. I hung out with her while she packed and she tried clothes and asked my opinions. She had no problem undressing and changing in front of me (good sign? no sign?), even getting naked. To me, this seemed like a good sign. If I was just a "friend," wouldn't she be at least a little more modest around me? She doesn't seem to be uncomfortable around me at all.

Anyways, just wanted to give an update and share my constant confusion. I'm still trying everyday to avoid R talk and talk of the future, and so far so good. I don't know how much longer that will last though. Especially with the holidays coming up.

I am interested in some feedback on whether these are positive signs or not. I keep going back and forth. Is she subconsciously still holding on, or has she let go and I'm now just a friend? Also, is there anything to do about this, or just keep GAL and acting like I'm fine?

[gutwrenching]

Has she modest until now? If not, then it means nothing. If this is change, then it might mean a little.

As far as picking out clothes...don't see much there, sorry. She would ask any roomate what looked best on her.

[NotReadyToQuit]

I know I probably sound like a broken record, always asking the same questions: "is this a good sign?" "am I doing the right thing?" I'm just so lost and losing hope. I feel like things are going pretty well between us for the most part, but every now and then I get the sense that she's just tolerating me.

What signs should I be looking for that things are looking up? We haven't talked about the R or a D in 3 wks. Originally, she told me not to move out until after christmas. That day is quickly approaching and I'm not sure how to deal with it when it comes. When she brings it up,if she still wants a separation, do I go along with what she wants without argument and move out? Or do I mention anything about still trying to save our M? I know this is purely hypothetical but I can't help but worry.

This waiting and "acting as if" is just killing me! I don't know how much longer I can do this.

[NotReadyToQuit]

I just have this sick, devastated feeling in my stomach all the time. When does that go away?

[Pensacolabroken]

Notready.

I understand what you feel. The sick in the gut feeling never goes away. It is fear. It may be hidden when things look up but then it can come roaring back in like a lion.

If I was in your sitch, I would pick a date after Dec and just do it.. you dont need to run anything through her filter if she is more committed to the path of divorce than R. I would simply do it and make her wonder why. She will know..

[NotReadyToQuit]

Yeah, I've been thinking about that. The thing is, I don't want to be the one who gives up on our R. I know she already said she doesn't want to work on it anymore, but if I make the move to leave i'll still feel like the one giving up. I know that sounds crazy, but its how I feel. I really need to work on that.