Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

So my W mentioned again last night that she'd like to get a new truck. We've talked about getting a second car for some time, but we really can't afford it.

She was saying she thinks she wants to go out and buy it for herself for Christmas. I told her that was fine, but asked how she was planning to pay for it (since she is the one making payments on our minivan) to which she said "You can have the van, and the truck will be mine". So asked her how exactly we can afford do do that? She says "You can take over the payment on the van..."

I told her certainly don't have the money to pick up a $400 a month car payment (heck I don't even have the available cash to go buy some new clothes - especially with Christmas coming). I think she already knows this but somehow she thinks this will make it easier for us to "split up" because we would both have a car.

I told her that I'm not exactly sure what she is planning, but that I don't understand how she thinks that it will be easy and uncomplicated??? To which she says "It wouldn't be complicated for us to split up." I'm beside myself, until I realize she's probably refering to the fact that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I thinking based the fact that we live in the country, neither of us could carry the house on our own, neither of us wants to live without the kids.

So I just told her that if she believes this "plan" will make her happy then I'm fine with it, but that I want see it first (there is no plan).

I also decided since she was talking about "splitting up" that I would try and establish a boundry. I said that my only real boundry would be that would could not remain living together if there was OM. She said there wasn't but she assumed "boundry" would be that "she couldn't leave me". I said that I was ok with that if she really thought that would make her happy.

There was quite a bit of joking around and laughing as she went tanning in order to not be "white" for the wedding, and when she got home she was showing me the tan lines. She was being a bit playful, and I told her she looked good. To which she said "Are you going to be able to control yourself at the wedding?" I just said sure I can, I don't think there's anything wrong with acknowledging you look good. I told her I was going to watch a bit of football game and then head to hockey.

She just paused and said, "Oh what am I going to do with you?"

She also softened a bit on the Christmas gifts (since she found something that I had gotten for her) and said "I guess I should take the kids out to get something for you" which made me feel good because she'll be thinking about my good side and she'll be discussing it with the kids.

I know I need to focus more on just validating her when she brings up the R, but it's really difficult to not try and engage her more in the convo. I also asked her if she was still interested in counselling, to which she said she was but that she hadn't called because her work schedule is week to week.

She is working every night this weekend, so it's just me and kids for most of the weekend. Going to try and take them ice skating and spend some quality time with them.

I honestly think it's just going to take time, and I believe as I continue to build my self back up she'll likely come around.

Today is a good day, tomorrow will be an even better day.