Boundaries with Love

[Concerned_Listener]

What is it that YOU need from this M, CL?

FMV,
I'll approach this questiion as if I'm in a therapist's office who is asking me what I would like to see different in the M. I would like my W and I to work as financial partners. This means to sit down with a financial planner (we have one) and look at our net worth and make adjustments to savings, budget, debt reduction, retirement as-needed. I'm waiting for my W to find a better job, so we can approach this from a stronger position.

I would like more physical contact with my W. I'm nervous about sex, but think nonsexual contact needs to be restored. My W sits at a computer, while I sit on the couch. The only easy opportunity for contact, is when we sleep together. Maybe this is one of those areas where I'm protecting myself. It seems that initiating nonsexual contact in the bedroom is a next step.

I would like my W to take better care of herself, including smoking cessation. I can and do influence her to attend exercise classes. She has been more proactive this year, since we joined a fitness center closer to home. She drinks several beers most evenings, while she's in front of the computer. I think this is her way of calming herself. This is an area I have to be patient with, and let her make her own choices.

I want to socialize as a couple, and be known as a couple. This has increased this past year, and it's often enjoyable. This is an area that has been dormant for a long time, due to the problems over the years.

I want to develop a mutually satisfying dance partnership. I want my desires and hers to be expressed in the dance partnership. I want to work towards competitions 2-3X per year, because it helps to keep me focused and have a goal. I want to work on the more graceful dances such as Foxtrot, so I can go to any dance venue and be able to participate. I want us to take lessons and practice together on a regular basis.

I think these are the areas that are priority at this time.

CL