Antonia, sadly this type of response to a kind gesture is not unusual. Remember, it is about them. They doubt themselves. Like you, and many others here, I have done similar actions, meant as loving and kind, but they have been misinterpreted. It is a sign of damage.
Anyone emotionally normal would have thanked you, and even if he had doubted your motives, given you the benefit of the doubt. That is how grown up people behave. These people cannot allow themselves to doubt or explore the possibility that they may not be acting in a way that is at all off beam. Actually that isn't quite true, there are moments when they emerge from the fog, and can be quite nice, but usually they disappear, having spent just long enough being their former self to make us think they might be returning to a kind of normality.
Currently my husband thinks I am trying to swindle him over our divorce settlemeant, whereas in reality he is getting a deal that is more than fair. The are paranoid, trust no-one because they do not trust themselves. It hurts, when we never did anything mean or dishonest in our lives, to have our motives doubted, but it simply underlines how much this is about their issues.
None of this is personal, it just feels that way. Really, if you were watching this as a tv show, you would see that he is acting out of his own damage. We don't have to like it, but I feel if we understand it, it hurts us less. Which is one reason I continue to try and understand this strange thing that some of us label MLC.
If it feels like 'Aliens captured my spouse and are using his body' then it probably is a MLC.
Makes quite a good topic title - I feel I should add 'Discuss'!
