The only reason to wait is for the kids. If my wife doesn't want to end the EA, then I don't want to have the fallout ruin their christmas.
I think I understand this, but then again... you weren't having the EA, so it's not you doing it. That would be a consequence of the EA, not your doing.
THAT'S NOT TRUE. IT WOULD BE HIM FORCING THE ISSUE AND THE TIMING OF THE CONSEQUENCES, AND SERVES NO PURPOSE. PLUS IT MEANS HE MISSES OUT ON THE CHANCE TO CREATE MEMORIES FOR THE CHILDREN AND WIFE TO KEEP IN MIND AS THE MOST RECENT POSITIVES. And it would look punitive of him, and in my opinion, it would be exactly that. As my DB coach said, it's not our job to show the conquences to them; Life does that. you may not agree with that but I think it's worth considering. And imo, your approach , TH, sounds punitive to me. Like you want to "teach a lesson"and it's NOT our job to do that and that isn't being a doormat. There are other options and certainly better timing.[/color]
You may own your portion of the problems in your marriage prior to the affair, but you aren't responsible for the affair or its consequences.
[color:#CC0000]HE WOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TIMING of those consequences you SO want her to face, IF HE SHOVES IT INTO THE WHOLE FAMILY'S FACES AT CHRISTMAS TIME....WHY DO THIS NOW?? Why NOW? WHY?
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I am also hoping, but not optimistic that she may come to her senses now that she knows I am aware of what's going on with her and the OM.
Yeah, I'm not optimistic either, and hope is not a plan. I would think that if there are perceived consequences, then why should it stop? I haven't just seen these things stop just because the betrayed spouse knows too often.
He can 1) create the best Christmas they've had and COUNTER her negative images of him and money and 2) give her an ultimatum after the holidays. But Hey, don't give any ultimatum you are not ready to back up with action. You cannot bluff on this. It's better not to give an ultimatum at all, than to give one and then back down.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
