Working on acceptance and forgiveness

[AntoniaB]

Thanks, Beatrice, that gives me a lot to think about.

In terms of goings on today, stbxh came as scheduled to pick up his tree ornaments, and I left him a photo album that I had given him years ago that I had kept all this time. I thought about it long and hard, and I wrapped it up and put a note with it, saying that I felt it was time to give it back to him for good, because doing so was about releasing mySELF more than anything. I really put a lot of thought into this action, and to me, the pics in this album (which were mostly of me from the past 20 years) represented who I was. They no longer represent me now. They represent my past. I told him that I was happy for all the years these pics represented but that I had to let go of that part of my life because it no longer existed. That I had to stop "looking back" and instead to "look forward." I thanked him in the note for the smiles on my face, saying that I was sure that he was responsible for that smile, but that now, I was responsible for putting a smile on my own face, and that it was important that I made my own happiness.

I felt I gave him this album with pics of me and our cats free from manipulation. 100%. I just wanted some closure on that part of my life.

So he sent me an email about 4 hours later, saying he "at first doubted my sincerity" with the note and album but then "stewed on it for awhile" and figured that I didnt't give it to him with any "negativity."

I have to say that while I had no expectations of NICE behavior as a result, I didn't expect this sort of negative comment, the "doubting my sincerity."

I mean, here I am, the person who has NEVER BROKEN A TRUST, never done anything bad to him, while he has created all the harm and nearly drove me to suicide, and that's the response I get??

Doubting my sincerity?

WTF???

It's at moments like these that I start thinking I married a colossal A*S and he just hid that till now.

Whatever. We'll be divorced any day now. I'm not writing to him any more.