well just got an email from one of my wifes best friends. My blackberry crashed day before yesterday and i had no contact with anyone at all. W wife text her best friend and told her to let her know if anyone hears from me. may mean nothing just found that interesting.
Yeah, she's wondering where you are. That's the attachment thing. So it is interesting. She isn't as detached as she thought she was.
The question I have for you after going back and reading some of your back story is this:
What are your principles, and what are your boundaries?
EAs, PAs, addictive and possibly controling behaviors indicate a few things. One, you aren't considering the consequences of some behaviors and the likely outcomes of things you do. How good are you at planning generally speaking? Do you have a regular fitness rountine, and who generally makes plans, sends out the Xmas cards and all of that in your M?
The other thing is indicated is weak boundaries. You don't just have emotional or physical affairs. You put yourself in a position and you share intimate details of your life with members of the opposite sex other than your wife and immediate family first. It's not an accident.
A good boundary is that "it's not OK to share intimate details of my life with members of the opposite sex other than my spouse or immediate family members".
Trying to force somebody else do or think what you want them to do or think is also a case of weak personal boundaries (as is letting somebody else force you to do or pretend to think like they do). We're all different in tiny ways, and it's the differences that make us interesting.
It's OK to have an opinion, but it's also OK for your spouse to have one that is different, and if you are throwing tantrums, witholding affection, calling them names and such when you don't get your way, then you are letting your emotions lead, and that will get you into trouble.
It's OK to feel things, but... don't do things just because you feel something. Sit down and figure out what your core values are.
What would you do if God himself were following you around judging your actions? How would you like others to see you? Let that more objective view guide your actions.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
My goals are to try very hard not to control her and allow her to have a life and grow outside of me and the kids. As far as ea/pa goes that has been stopped since we reconciled the first and will never happen again. I can now clearly see the damage it does to a marriage and will never put her thru that again.
Yes i work out 4 days a week. Recently won a bench press competition so yes im very physically fit.
Another goal i have is not to continue arguing with her when she is ready to go to bed and let small stuff go.
Your W sounds like she wants to have some kind of connection with you. That's why I suggest that you tell her that you would like to move back into the home. Again, don't demand it or force your way. Detail the fact that you will stay in a separate room and then when you are back, you can start rebuilding your R with her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Mr. Bond i think im going to softly mention it to her and see what she says. Dont know why she call a friend about me ll she has to do is call my home number. who knows
latest her friend ask her to go to the football game with us this weekend out of state and she said she did'nt know. but hasn't heard from her since about it. think thats her nice way of saying no
Your gut is usually right... But don't act on it...
Not if you want to save your marriage...
Ifyou have proof of OM well that's another story... Ar least in my opinion...
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
