Im not denying there MAY be one but ive confronted her recently and she denied it. There is no way for me to find out and continuing to harass her about or getting caught trying to find out isn't going to help my cause even if there is one.
Reading things like her facebook page can knock you off your path. Leaving her be, keeping the pressure on her as low as possible...these are the things that will lessen the tension between the two of you.
You read something startling, your brain starts creating worst case scenarios, and before you know it, you're contacting her saying all kinds of things you'll wish you could take back later.
Your mission right now is to become a better man. It includes improving yourself, yes. But it also includes learning how to live a life that satisfies you, even when she is not a part of things. This is important, even if it seems counter productive. A man that can be satisfied and complete without a partner/spouse is a confident, self-sufficient man. A man who lives his life with honesty and integrity, even when his wife isn't looking, well, that is a man that a woman would want to be around more often.
There are no guarantees in any approach. But you can be sure that pushing her and applying pressure to make "final" decisions is not going to work out well for you right now.
It IS hard. Anything worthwhile comes at a cost.Do you love this woman enough to do the hard work for both of you right now?
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
If you're paying for everything, then you need to go back home. Stay in another room if you need to, but move back in. Talk to her about it first. Not for approval, but to state how you are paying everything and you need to move back home.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If you're paying for everything, then you need to go back home. Stay in another room if you need to, but move back in. Talk to her about it first. Not for approval, but to state how you are paying everything and you need to move back home.
I understand Bond's point, but you will probably need a gentler approach.
You are lucky to have Mr.Bond and Bworl here--they are steering you in a good direction.
she is not doing anything on Facebook that would make me suspicious. just how she is laughing and joking with girlfriends makes me feel like she isn't even thinking about us or about the fact our marriage and family may be over.
timeheals i understand ur point. but if she is not sure yet and i try to force myself back into the home i feel it will push her back to the attorney's office. just my opinion dont know what to do
If you are paying for it, how are you 'forcing' anything?
The way I see it, you let her force you out of your own home using your fear of losing her as the weapon to accomplish that.
If you are going to get divorced, you are going to get divorced. The fear is just something you feel.
You don't let your feelings dictate your actions. Fear, anger, sadness, etc--those are feelings. You don't lead with your feelings. You lead with your principles.
Right now you appear very weak. How attractive is being weak? People who let their emotions determine their actions and lack self-control appear weak, and it's just not attractive. I doubt your wife respects you if you are letting fear (or other emotions drive your actions).
This is something you need to work on in yourself. It didn't just pop up due to this crisis. You had this problem of leading with your emotions before the crisis or there is no way we'd be having this discussion.
Something to think about.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
