I am not posting for a while...just not feeling like it anymore. too much going on in my head - told H I was letting him go. Still attached to me, he doesn't seem to be making any progress. I am not either. I love him, but I need to let go. I printed off edivorce information and gave it to him. He asked if we could wait to discuss until after the first of the year. I told him absolutely - I just wanted him to see the information and what it would take to file. We hugged for a long time and put it off once again. I am just so darn tired of everything.
Letting go. So important, pivotal really, to this entire process. We talk about actions being louder than words though TAMF, you do not need to TELL your H that you are letting him go, nor do you need to provide him with information regarding divorce. He's a big boy and can find that stuff on his own. Seriously. Do you want to be divorced? I'm guessing the answer to that question hasn't changed ...
Letting go and giving up are not the same thing ...
Tired? I bet. Who isn't. But what are you going to do about it?
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Letting go and giving up are not the same thing ...
Tired? I bet. Who isn't. But what are you going to do about it?
BINGO. PEI is spot on.
I'd write more but I have to run to get D and do hours and hours of errands. Letting go is crucial no matter WHAT option you choose. Giving up is an entirely different matter. During this process, you're supposed to be working on yourself, NOT your R. Because as you well know, you can't FIX the R with your H in a fog. Which one are you giving up on?
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
You are both correct. I just want to let go so I can move forward. I know I don't need his permission to do so - but i think I needed to say it.
I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
I think I am in my own midlife crisis! I have lost a bunch of wieght, sexually frustrated, can't concentrate on anything for a long period of time, can't figure out what I want anymore. maybe my H will come here next and start posting about me!!!!!!!!
But at least I haven't lost my sense of humor! I can still smile and know that deep down I will be okay - really okay. I just need more time. I will get there.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Sometimes I feel like I need to fall apart so I can try fitting the pieces back together a new way. All the frustration and uncertainty get to everyone. This is difficult, and few people handle it as well as the people I find here.
Take it easy and get some rest. Its ok not to have all the answers. ((((hugs)))
I have had long conversations with a few of you over the last few days, read the posts by my friends on this site - all of you basically saying the same thing (stop - now. :-)) And you are all correct. I probably am not ready to start something (even casually) with someone else just to distract myself from my H.
I know a couple of things:
1. In the last 5 months, I have learned that what has happened to my M is not my fault. I can look back on my M and realize that there are things I could have done better or differently, and I have worked on those things for myself AND for my H. I would be lying if I said otherwise.
2. I really love him enough to let him go. I will always love him, we will always be friends, but I can let him move on.
3. There is no hope for us to R if he feels he has to CHOOSE between the OW and his family. The relationship with the OW would have die because HE wanted to end it. I don't want him if he still wants her but feels like this is the "right thing to do". I deserve more than that.
4. I am a good person, loving, forgiving, funny, smart, not bad to look at :-)and I deserve to be happy. I am happy - with moments of sadness. But those moments of sadness go away quickly now.
5. I am tired of thinking about my H all of the time. I am done with it. This I know today for the first time I am ready to detach simply because I don't want to do it anymore.
So whether or not I see this other guy in my future, I don't know. I won't initiate anything. I will put it in "Fate's Hands". But I promise not to do anything if I am not ready.
God will help me through this.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
1. My W was hoping I would do just that and then her guilt would
be wiped out.
2. I know now it would have been medicating pain up to this point
in my journey.
Am I stuck? Maybe I am but I feel good about my choices and I
didn't hurt anybody.
Again No Regrets = Peace
I also have children who are watching me closely.
They do not know about the OM at this point.
I don't want to be first in that race in their minds.
Thoughtful thinking I have done on this post...
You are right that if I start something with someone else, I would be doing essentially the same thing - although we don't live together anymore AND we separated so that he could be with the OW. Our children know about the OW. He is out in public with her. It is not a secret.
Would I be self-medicating...yes to a certain extent. But I am also at the point that I am letting go of my H. If he came to me tomorrow and said here are the divorce papers, I would sign them. If he came to me tomorrow and said I want to work this out, I would tell him no. But if he came to me and said, I have broken it off with the OW because I don't love her and it wasn't working out...can we start "dating" to see if we can build a different and better relationship? (maybe not those exact words mind you - but you get the idea :-))I would seriously consider it. I would be lying if I said otherwise.
There are no plans to meet this other guy...he lives 2 1/2 hours away. We are just talking (I know that is how it starts!) I promise to do what feels right.
Thank you for your response! I need all the help I can get!!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I know you're strong enough for this even though it totally stinks. You've made strides in finally stopping on focusing on the R. Focus on YOU. Keep the focus on YOU. You know there is room for improvement. Figure out what you need to do FOR YOU, and do it. That'll keep you occupied enough to forget some good looking dude from some far away land!
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
TAMF....I am not up to speed on your stitch. That said....if you are thinking;
"Would I be self-medicating...yes to a certain extent."
Then you don't need to be in a relationship...new relationships are about growth, not filling holes. Affairs fill holes...and oddly...to fill one hole one always makes another.
Work on you....so you grow and don't find yourself digging a hole to fill another one.
