I can do this...

[punkin]

You are sounding better and better, Irish, that's where you are. Developing your own self esteem seperate from your H is a HUGE step. Knowing your own worth. I think having a high tolerance for crazy really means a deep committment to the person, even when the crazy is directed at us.

Your self observations are great, and self-fulfilling. Tack them up somewhere you can see them when the times get tough or tense, especially #5, and know that the couple of days will someday be a couple of minutes.

Hang in there Irish.

[irishblessings]

Venting...I'm really in a better place -

H found his new place. So he asked me to send him some financial information. When I did - I told him I drove by his place and it looked nice. I also offered an extra sofa.

His reply - "I've changed my mind. I'm getting my own furniture."

I am sitting at home with the old furniture (never replaced because I didn't want him to be angry about money or think that I cared about material things!!) - he's living large with new.

I smile though - because I am home with S and the girls come visit and they WANT to be here on the rickety old things.

Blessed!

[PEI]

I smile though - because I am home with S and the girls come visit and they WANT to be here on the rickety old things.

Blessed!

Silver linings Irish ... I love them!
You sound great,
PEI

[punkin]

Note to Irish. I bet yours are PAID for, as well. Not to mention the 'home'factor. Looking good, Irish.

[irishblessings]

Decent day today - S and I are getting in a pretty good routine.

Very sad about Elizabeth Edward's death - read her books and found them lovely. Regardless of politics - I found her perspective inspiring.

[irishblessings]

Went to S's game tonight. H walks in late - walks by me - we acknowledge each other then he goes sits by himself. Team wins - S doesn't shoot well but plays well. H tells him that he would like to have breakfast with him to go over the game??!!! I wanted to say - "be a father first rather than a coach". But I didn't.

I am changing. Not sure why - but it feels pretty good. I am finding some peace. Need to lose some weight - but not beating myself up. Realizing that I would NEVER give up this family - together we are amazing. H is missing out big time!

[punkin]

Irish,

Doesn't it help when you are able to look at your H from a detached position? And appreciate the blessings you have in a way that you know your H will someday regret having missed?

Weight? If I lose anymore, not even the belts will keep my jeans up. I have started eating more meals daily, though. I was down to one a day, and maybe a Coke during the day.

Happy to hear you and your son are doing so well. We need our families going through this, for combined strength and warmth, especially during the holidays.

[hope for zen]

Ah... the one-meal-a-day-with-lots-of-cafine-and-lots-of-stress diet. It sure did wonders for me too. Lost 44 lbs on it. Don't recomend it though. Working hard now to be sure to eat regularly and healthy stuff. Working out more too. Leveled off now, and that is good.

I do have to say that it is nice to mention that I am in a size six to the MLCing H who used to make sneaky little comments about my weight. Especially since he has gained 20+ lbs himself.

[irishblessings]

This has been a BUSY week - it's a good distraction but exhausting! Big rivalry game tomorrow tonight - S is very nervous! Luckily no game on Saturday so I might be able to catch up on rest! Still taking pilates and loving it. Going to start increasing workouts to include mornings.

Getting better:)

[punkin]

Good for you Irish. I wish there was a Pilates class around here. I tried it on my own with limited ( = None) success. Good luck to your son in his game tonight. I'm missing the high school football games something awful, and it's only been a few Fridays. Not that much into basketball. But, the Razorbacks are going to the Sugar Bowl. What I wouldn't give for tickets!!.

Zen, the last time I saw my H, I told him he looked like Hell. He did. He said he could say the same about me, but I had just had surgery. So I ask him what his excuse was. Me, I dropped 28 pounds in all. No exercise required. Just doing double time in my mind everynight for months.

Irish, you are sounding strong. As low as I felt with the Holidays approaching, I'm doing much better than I was afraid I would do. Even looking forward to Christmas with my 3 D's and 5 Grandsons. It is certainly a scaled down Christmas from last year, but it can be great, all the same.