HI Bob, Detachment is simply you not being hurt by or obsessed with your wifes actions. You can DB much better if you detach. it does not mean to stop loving someone. As a matter of fact they will feel more comfortable with you if they dont feel so worried about your reactions to their actions. It will really help with the way you feel and control those backslides. it dosnt at all mean you are not working on your marriage. I think I am going to have to elaborate more on detachment here when I get a chance.
Yes I was like that. I didnt want to go out with him at all. it really seemed pointless and I wanted as much time away from him as I could get. He was asking me to go away on nice weekends that sounded great but I just didnt want to be with him. It to me just represented more time for him to put the pressure on 24 hours a day as aposed to the 16 hours a day
When I was involved in the EA. I wasnt seeing him just talking to him on the phone and email. unfortunately my heart wanted to be with him. I felt very guilty about this and it hurt that I really felt no control of my feelings in the matter. I hurt more and felt more attached to him when I was trying not to talk to him. then later when I was ending it I had to deal with those feelings of letting go and that made it hard to be around my H. I had to keep up a fasad of being okay when I just felt so torn apart and hurt so bad inside. I didnt feel I could let go and get over the om because my feelings felt like I just couldnt control how I felt and I just didnt think it would go away. After truly letting go and getting over it it was then easier to go out with my H. I know it sounds wierd but I felt guilty when I decided to let go of the om, like I was not being fair to him. Ha! and he was the OM! My situation was complicated though because I was suffering so much from past abuse and deep depression and the only time I felt better was when I was talking to OM. So my situation and feelings might be diferent from what your wife is feeling now.
she probably just needs more time and space.
If she has ended an EA she needs time to mourn and let go of that loss. I know that hurts to hear but its true. then she will feel ready to date most likely. I now have a great time going out with my H. it was uncomfortable at first we didnt have much to talk about neither one of us could really talk about our feelings with out upsetting or hurting the other.
hope this helped some Sue
[This message has been edited by Sue (edited 12-05-1999).]
