Although my WOW and I have no children, we do have three dogs. Since she left the house, we've been sharing the responsibility of walking and feeding the dogs. She typically comes by the house in the mornings to walk them and I walk them in the evenings. I feed them after their evening walk.
This was our best option, at first, because the apartment she moved to couldn't accommodate the dogs; the yard wasn't fenced. Now that the yard is fenced, I'm reconsidering my options:
On the one hand, seeing her in the morning has given us the opportunity to interact with each other in a positive way. She has noticed and commented on how I have changed; she can see, on a daily bases, that I maintain a clean orderly house; and she has taken the opportunity to spend some time, linger, and renew our friendship.
On the other hand, there is a dark side to this arrangement. On those occasions, when she spends the night with OM, she simply doesn't show up in the morning. This happens at least once a week (usually Sunday mornings) and serves as a constant reminder to me of her infidelity.
At times, I feel like her enabler. She doesn't need to take full responsibility for the dogs because I'm there to feed them and walk them at her convenience. My "being there" gives her the freedom to spend time with OM.
Originally, it was our plan to split the dogs up. In which case, she would take full responsibility for one or two and I for the remainder. Obviously, we would have fewer occasions to interact with this arrangement and, in the end, may result in her giving up the dogs.
This is a difficult choice for me to make. During the week, when she is not with OM, she can be very sweet. She makes me feel like there is hope for us. She tells me how much she misses me; that she is confused, but still loves me very much and she talks about making a fresh start.... But when she is in contact with OM, she turns cold, like a completely different person.
My goal is to rebuild my friendship with my wife. Some day, she will lose her fascination with OM. When the time is right, she will know that I am her better choice. But, while I'm working on myself and changing my past behavior, I don't want her to lose respect for me.
Here is the big question... would my goals be better served by "cutting the rope," putting more space between us and letting her understand her loss? Or should I be more patient and just keep doing what's working?
