In an ideal world, we would pick these things out together, but hey, do many men like looking at paint chips and outdoor light fixtures??? (IF there's a STRAIGHT dream guy out there who does this stuff, and I'm ever single, I WANT HIM!!)
LOL! House repairs and renovations were always one of our favorite ‘couple’ activities. Browsing the aisles at Home Depot was a nice way to kill time together. He is straight, but I don’t know when he plans to be single.
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You're perfectly right to enjoy what he does give you and your D without ANY expectations of more. IPhone? Great. Enjoy meeting your new peeps with it....as long as he can't track it....
Hadn’t thought of the tracking…
I decided today to let go on the money issues. If he digs himself into a hole of debt, I can’t stop him. He also SHOULD be helping support our daughter. There is a lot to this money issue, much more than I realized before.
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But sadly, What he has SAID is that he wants a divorce. If he has not retracted that, then that's that. Sorry honey, but that's reality.
Yeah, he hasn’t retracted. I’ll admit I still have a bit of hope, but I’m not expecting it anymore. He is nowhere near coming out of this.
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And btw, I would not be shocked if he wanted physical intimacy or it comes up sort of naturally, on Christmas Eve, etc...be ready for whatever you feel okay with. It's a VERY personal decision.
And that is a decision I am avoiding. I really don’t know what I want as far as intimacy goes, so I am not leaving open any opportunity. H hasn’t asked to stay Christmas night and I haven’t offered. I don’t feel ok with it right now, but that is a whole ‘nother story.
Christmas Eve will be at his sister’s house, not here. He is coming over the next morning to see D open her gifts. I will have my 3 year old chaperone with me at all times.
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No matter what, be ready to show your most pleasant self too b/c if it's your last Christmas as a family, build good memories for HIM and D to reflect on later. Esp him, (since she's so young....) HE'll want to justify his departure and he'll search his memory banks for negative recollections. But the new content zen, will NOT Fuel any negatives...oh no. Only positives and NO ANGER shown to him...nope. You are going to be a serene mother enjoying a Christmas with her growing little girl who's increasingly happy for these experiences. And you too! Santa, presents, it's great!! Enjoy that. Let him see what he'll be missing soon b/c THIS Christmas no doubt, will be the last one you all can act as a happy family, UNLESS HE CHANGES.... this is what he'll be losing. Make the memories good ones so when they resurface, and they will, it'll make him wince.
That is EXACTLY what I plan to do. This is the first year ever that I get to say how it goes. Every other year we have been swallowed up in holiday obligations to his family. I love them, but H complained all season (and every season) about the big fuss, and I did all the work. He usually managed to make me cry at least once every year too.
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It's only when his discomfort with his loss & where his life is heading, OUTWEIGHS his discomfort with truly changing himself, that you and he have a chance.
Funny thing, but H gets less and less comfortable in the life HE has chosen to live. But me? I’m getting more comfortable every day in a situation I never wanted.
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You're doing well, Zen, even if it is 2 steps forward and one back...still progress, still growth for you. And it does get better, no matter what. Have faith.
Thanks 25, and it is getting better. Didn’t get tit down yet, but today was better for me. Much better.
