Honestly, people...isn't a man that is not interested in a woman's vagina gay????
No, he isn't necessarily "gay." He probably could benefit from a good sex therapist in figuring out how to have a healthy relationship, but that is a different question..
He might be addicted to porn and not be able to deal with a real woman's needs or how to connect physically with another human beaing, as opposed to just mentally interacting with his 2-D sexual images and touching himself. Real sex partners are complicated and everyone isn't a sex Olympian in technique. Some men addicted to porn just don't have "any energy" left for interactions with a real woman (most likely)
He might have medical problems leading to partial ED and is way too uncomfortable in dealing with them, so he is trying to convince himself that the problem is his not wanting to touch you or be sexual with you rather than he has a problem. (Depending on his age, this is also likely, he should get a complete medical exam as should you)
He might be telling you something that is not at all what he is truly feeling are for a variety of reasons. (He could have such pain/anger that he just doesn't want to have sex with you. He could be so uncomfortable around real flesh & blood women in general that he is afraid of having sex with a real woman, while being able to have sex with a 2-D pornagraphic image of a woman.)
He might (although it doesn't sound that way) just view marriage as a social/financial partnership. Read some of the stories over on the SSM forum and you will find likes of couples with that kind of problem.
There is some advice on another section of this website that one should not take the sexual rejection from a partner "personally." I find that statement to be good advice, but I also know having been there, that sexual rejection from your spouse is about as "personal" as anything can be.
Make sure you attend your counseling session and work on changing yourself. That way you will either serve as a model that you husband can copy in making changes to himself, or you can prepare and transform yourself so that you are much better to deal with your next relationship.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
