Remember, our spouses are all going through a crazy phase. That iswhy we are in this forum, to help each other out, to make sure we hang in there as long as possible.
That is natural, we all go through times were we we feel we cannot take it anymore. The same happened with me - for 4 mos, H refused to end contact with OW, felt that since I knew it anyway he wasn't hiding anything and it was an EA, not PA, that its was technically was not "cheating". The betrayal, the daily rejection, the roller coaster. The same stories - H taking me out on my B-day but making sure I did not misinterpret his motives, H letting me know he did things just for D's sake, etc. What kept me from throwing in the towel was reading about the success stories here, plus the knowledge inside of me that no matter what H says and does, I know inside him that he still cares, and that one day the A would end. Most books say that A's usually dont last more than 6 months. How long has you H's A been going on? Haven't read your thread yet. Other things: I read "Love Dare", and although I did not do the dares (Blcch, pursuing! as one DB'er says), it made me see love through Christian eyes, also made me more accepting of rejection, and work on choosing to love unconditionally. It is hard but in the end, it is really for you to have peace and I even managed to forgive (most of the time anyway!)
True enough, EA ended last Thanksgiving,(6 months!) because OW got guilty. But now, H is depressed, trying to contact her again on the pretext of work, and as I was posting in my thread, more than ever the urge to wave the white flag is stronger.
But last night, sitting in my living room, thinking of D, again I was able to calm myself.
A few days at a time..... and soon we will be where we want to be.....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
