Thank you for the this response. I truly love my wife and would stay married to her even if she did have an affair as long as she wanted to return. I would forgive her and would be happy in being able to move forward from this current situation.
I have no interest in exposing their relationship to anyone else. My reason for telling her that I knew is that I felt she needed to know that this arrangement was not acceptable to me. Exposing her will not bring her back, but me changing will.
I am concerned that she feels guilty about the OM and that maybe what is preventing her from reinvesting in our marriage. What I don't understand, is whether or not I should just stand by and do nothing and let their relationship unfold, or do I say that it cannot continue under our current living arrangement?
My feeling is that she is comfortable with the existing wacking arrangement. She can't face the impact a divorce would have on the kids. She likes the emotional connection with the OM and doesn't know how to deal with my changes and improvements. She keeps telling me that she doesn't know what she wants.
I would never divorce her because of a PA if she wants to reinvest in our marriage. But I have a hard time just sitting back and letting this EA continue with no impact to her or the OM. I think I am done with the snooping. I have what I needed and that was confirmation that something is going on. She also now knows that I know about it so there is nothing further I need to do on that front. I like your idea of now backing off and letting her find her way back. I do think that I need to take a more assertive approach as the current one really wasn't working. Nothing has changed relationship wise over the past year except that I am a much better person that I was a year ago.
