Cha, Don't do it. We all have those fantasies. But like a lot of fantasies, the more you think about it, the bigger it gets (take the A for example! It started out as a little fantasy for your W, I'm sure, then got bigger!). The anger you feel is normal and so is the desire for revenge. I typed e-mails to OW's boss but didn't send them.
Here's the only time you should have threated work exposure, I think--when you were in divorce proceedings and wanted to see how marital assets were spent and question the drug use for child custody. Not now. Its too late and won't get you anything. If its part of the divorce negotiations, it might actually get you something, but now it would just make you feel embarassed and make you look desperate.
But it is COMPLETELY normal to have those fantasies. I tried to replace mine with the statement "This affair really hurt me. It hurt me deeply" and to stay with that hurt for awhile. The anger is covering up the hurt anyway, and it turns the focus to your caring for yourself. Weird. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't want my XH back, but I would be very happy to learn that the A crashed and burned. Funny, I'd be OK if he were in a different relationship--just not this one. An affair feels like intentional infliction of emotional distress to the LBS. To me, it feels like it was planned by both of them with the specific intent to cause pain to me and my kids. I'm sure they don't see it that way, but because it feels that way you want revenge. But in the end, its just selfish and immature behavior by a spouse who is seeking a thrill.
