my h would suddenly do projects that had waited for years OR to mow the lawn and maniacally do yard work the weekends he visited. It was hyper and odd but it kept him busy and he appeared to feel better about himself when he'd do this.
Before that, we had stretched to buy a nicer house than I was comfortable with but HE said he wanted to go for it, (an unusual pattern for us, never happened before or since) and 10 weeks after the purchase, announced he was going "up the road to do a year long fellowship" (300 miles "up the road AND a 90% pay cut)....Rational behavior? Not to me.
I think he felt great about setting us all up in a huge house, and THEN he dropped the bomb. IF there was any logic to it, I think it was to appease his conscience. Whereas I had seen the house as a reassuring commitment to the area and family, naturally. Ooops. I was wrong.
He seems to still resent the house even as we are having it painted and fixed up nicely before the holidays. Work we had promised we'd do 5 years ago..better late than never. I hope! I will make sure I praise HIM for working to pay for my "general contracting" Since he never witnessed the repairs and stress of what I went thru when we did the internal renovation, all I can do is say "thanks" for working hard to pay for it. In an ideal world, we would pcik these things out together, but hey, do many men like looking at paint chips and outdoor light fixtures??? (IF there's a STRAIGHT dream guy out there who does this stuff, and I'm ever single, I WANT HIM!!)
You're perfectly right to enjoy what he does give you and your D without ANY expectations of more. IPhone? Great. Enjoy meeting your new peeps with it....as long as he can't track it....But sadly, What he has SAID is that he wants a divorce. If he has not retracted that, then that's that. Sorry honey, but that's reality.
And btw, I would not be shocked if he wanted physical intimacy or it comes up sort of naturally, on Christmas Eve, etc...be ready for whatever you feel okay with. It's a VERY personal decision.
No matter what, be ready to show your most pleasant self too b/c if it's your last Christmas as a family, build good memories for HIM and D to reflect on later. Esp him, (since she's so young....) HE'll want to justify his departure and he'll search his memory banks for negative recollections. But the new content zen, will NOT Fuel any negatives...oh no. Only positives and NO ANGER shown to him...nope. You are going to be a serene mother enjoying a Christmas with her growing little girl who's increasingly happy for these experiences. And you too! Santa, presents, it's great!! Enjoy that. Let him see what he'll be missing soon b/c THIS Christmas no doubt, will be the last one you all can act as a happy family, UNLESS HE CHANGES.... this is what he'll be losing. Make the memories good ones so when they resurface, and they will, it'll make him wince. It's only when his discomfort with his loss & where his life is heading, OUTWEIGHS his discomfort with truly changing himself, that you and he have a chance.
You're doing well, Zen, even if it is 2 steps forward and one back...still progress, still growth for you. And it does get better, no matter what. Have faith.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
