Sounds like your H was in full teenager mode this evening! I'm having a flashback to your posts from last week about how H projected his feelings about his mother onto you. There's no way to win if you're in the middle of this scenario.
Speaking from experience I would recommend side-stepping and deferring to your L as much as possible. When I did this I thought to myself "I keep saying the same silly-sounding things telling H that I needed to defer to my L........I sound like a broken record. H is going to get really frustrated with me for saying these things"....but somehow we got through it. Granted, you situation is much more complex than mine was. I'm just saying, "let your L earn his/her money".
Deferring to your L will also buy time for you. Your H admitted to you that he is depressed. By tearing up when talking about Xmas, H essentially told you that things are NOT good with OW too.
Good for you for planting a kiss on H's cheek. Now you're "cookin with gas!" as they say. You flirted with H! You showed H that you are NOT his mother without saying one word! Keep this up!
Your H might need to hit bottom before he takes a good long look at himself. ..........I want to tell you about a patient I saw last week. This patient has been chronically depressed, she has been having marital problems for at least a few years and these mental health issues have contributed to her chronic pain problems. I hadn't seen her for 6 months. Our whole team had worked with her for the past year or so...........well, when I saw her last week she was transformed.......SERIOUSLY transformed! She looked physically different and she expressed how much better she was feeling......What had happened was that in October she was suicidal and ended up being admitted to an inpatient mental health unit. She finally submitted to and got the extensive mental health treatment she needed.....and her H also finally accepted the seriousness of her problem and his role in contributing to her situation. He had changed as well......and within a 6-8 week period, she became transformed and has now come a long way out of the big, deep, dark hole that she had been in. I rarely see transformations that incredible, but when I saw it, it gave me hope.....It happened really quickly once she hit bottom.
So Mila.........keep the faith. Keep moving forward. Don't let H project his feelings for his mother onto you.
From out here in "virtual land" it feels like your H is teetering on edge of changing in some significant way. Not sure if others are getting this sense too???? I think CW is right about this.
You flirted with H! 
You showed H that you are NOT his mother without saying one word! Keep this up! 
