We have been separated 8 months. H is great with our S, he is a good father, always has been. He has another S who is 20, I've been with H since SS was 8. I've also been witness to some ugliness between H and SS when he was smaller. It's usually when H has been drinking, he changes..he can get ugly. I fear for our S if H doesn't get some help with his problems.
In my mind I'm dealing with more than just OW, H has a lot of problems. Of course, I've been ignoring/hiding from H's problems myself for years. Acting as if H didn't have a problem, just so I could stay with H. Deep down I really love that man, but with all of the problems, etc. I am beginning to wonder why I do want him back. I've been through hell myself with H, but it is MY own fault.
I just let my H walk over me, lost my self-esteem, wouldn't stand up to H. H can also be verball abusive and controlling.
I am in one heck of a mess here. I've been dbing my butt off for 8 months. It's finally sinking in that H has problems that H needs to address, I cannot help.
H is living with the OW, why is he afraid I'll leave HIM!? He's gone already, he shouldn't be afraid of anything. H is living with OW, I would have every right in the world to divorce H. Nobody would fault me, nobody. H wants me to D him, wants me to do the work, but I want him to do the work. This is his decision not mine, therfore I'm not doing anything. H has avoided his whole life. We got married becuase I was pregnant, H asked me to marry him once he found out. My gut said let's wait till after the baby is born, but I agreed to get marreid before the baby was born. The Monday after our wedding I lost the baby--it was awful, I won't go into details but some decisions had to made and we made the decision we thought was best. About eight months after that I became pregnant again, we lost that baby, we terminated the pregnancy for genetic reasons. H and I have been through a lot, more than most couples, that I know anyway. And now this.
I want H to come back because H wants to be with me, to work on our marriage. I'm not forcing H to make any decisions, I'm not D's him, H will have to decide. H will also have to address his problems, H will have to decide if he wants to grow up or to keep going on like he is until eventually he kills himself drinking or somebody else.
There is hope, he did take the literature I printed on our high blood pressure, H's is high. Doesn't care, oh maybe he does, but not for long. For a Santa gift I bought him a blood pressure monitor since he won't see a doctor like H should. I am also going to check into Al-Anon if this stuff runs in family's than I need to know what to expect, how to not let this affect my life or my S's.
H IS AT OW'S TO HIDE FROM HIMSELF, FROM HIS MESS, FROM REALITY.
