Quote: He's NEVER going to want to pick out furniture with me or go to the opera BUT he is not a cave man or a stupid man either...and OBVIOUSLY HE HAS AND UNDERSTANDS FEELINGS...cause it was "HIS FEELINGS and EMOTIONAL NEEDS" not being met that 'drove him to cheat'..
Your H told you that OW's meant nothing to him, so your sitch is different than mine. My H has feelings for OW because I kicked H out, H went to the arms of OW. She doesn't care what my H is like OW will take H anyway she can and my H is a wimp. H won't pull himself out of that mess, because it's easier to blame me and make it my fault. It's easier to be mean to me and stay away from ME. I did not meet my H's emotional needs. He has given me different years of his unhappiness, but the number that stick the most is the last "3 years" which is from when our son was born till he was three. Yes I neglected my H, but my H neglected my needs, my feelings, too. I didnt' find somebody else either. Why is it so hard for H to see that I was raising a child, a little needy child. From the day that baby came home my H was threatened, couldn't understand that S needed me. Right after our S was born H got so drunk, drove home, his friend called here after H got home to let H know that he had backed into someone else's vehicle. H was drunk he passed out and fell on the floor in our kitchen. Called our baby a name that I will not repeat.
Quote: I'm NOT suffering in silence here any longer and allowing resentment and justifications for my own potential to do wrong to build up. I'm putting my cards on the table and DEMANDING that he do the same.
This cannot happen till WA comes back though, right?
Quote: I acknowledge and accept ALL my shortcomings in the way I acted in our M prior to the 'bomb'....I have worked hard on myself to rectify those shortcomings and I am doing a fabulous job. I'm becoming a better person all around because of the changes I've CHOSEN to make in and for myself.
I have too, but H isn't here. I know what my shortcomings were. H told me the other night that I wasn't happy because of HIM. I said no, I wasn't happy because of ME. I know my H is unhappy with ME, but he brought up his second wife the other night, also. Said since his M to #2, since their break-up I should say, he hasn't trusted anybody..H said you know that, you know how I am. When H was with Wife #2 he quit drinking, quit hunting, did everything he could to make her happy and she still wasn't happy, moved away while H was at work. Of all the people he's been with, I was the one who didn't LEAVE him.
Quote: No ONE'S more important to you in this world than YOU are. If we're NOT happy with ourselves no one else can be. I chose to remain with my H. I chose to fight to save our M. I chose to forgive him his failure to keep our vows when he was weak and in pain. I choose to look to the future with him at my side....but I no longer close my eyes or my ears to any nuances of self destructive behavior patterns on his part. He will have to be a better version of the man I married or he will not be the man I remain married to.
I choose to look to the future with H by my side, but H isn't by my side. I don't know if H can be by my side. He's choosing not to right now. I do know that H will have to be a better version of the man I married, but right now H IS the man I married. Why do I want him back the way he is? Wouldn't I be tricking him back here?
T2 you're doing a great job, by your circumstances are different than mine, you're a different person than I am. Your H asked to come back, mine has not. Mine hides out at our house from OW. Mine comes here as his retreat place. Maybe becuase it's normal here, maybe he can relax a little. I don't know. I do know that mosts of the time when he leaves he's uncommunicative and I do know that he's sick of the back and forth sick of the sneaking around..as he put it.
Oh I'm rambling now, I guess I'm trying to make some sense ouf this whole mess. I guess I just don't like being blamed for everything wrong in his life, because I've only been around 11 years. I won't take the blame anymore. It's not my fault that H isn't happy, H has to find H's own happiness where ever that maybe, god help him.
