What are your measurements of success? Do you feel you are good at catching the small successes and building on them? Do you feel you need a full melding of the minds / perfect harmony befor you feel you've made it.
Piecing is where you having a willing partner, working with you. You are no longer in the LRT. Your spouse is talking about being with you and not talking about leaving.
This is where you really build your skillset, and the better you do that, the more likely you won't be back at the heartbreak point.
Michele's quote here is a real teaching point:
Quote:
When things are going right in your marriage, pay special attention to how you and your spouse act, think & feel. Reproduce these traits when things start going downhill.
Experiment, monitor results, modify accordingly.
So how are you doing? What skills do you need to work on right now? What skills are working for you right now?
You might feel you've advanced from this stage and wonder if there's a more appropriate forum. While you're always welcome on any forum, the following forum was designed for the marriages that are 'back on track', but you want support to keep your changes going:
What are your measurements of success? Do you feel you are good at catching the small successes and building on them? Do you feel you need a full melding of the minds / perfect harmony befor you feel you've made it.
Piecing is where you having a willing partner, working with you. You are no longer in the LRT. Your spouse is talking about being with you and not talking about leaving.
This is where you really build your skillset, and the better you do that, the more likely you won't be back at the heartbreak point.
Michele's quote here is a real teaching point:
Quote: When things are going right in your marriage, pay special attention to how you and your spouse act, think & feel. Reproduce these traits when things start going downhill.
Experiment, monitor results, modify accordingly.
So how are you doing? What skills do you need to work on right now? What skills are working for you right now?
Hi dbmod, thanks for the post; always informative. I just have a comment and question. I've listened to a number of MWDs works (keep love alive; how to get through to your man; fire your shrink) and have read DB. I'm sometimes a little discouraged by the lack of resources there is for those of us who were the ones to almost walk away (and still trying not to sometimes).
The worst of it (thanks to going to an IC and reading lots of great resources like MWDs) is over. But I find that when I'm dealing with serious other stressors like I am right now, even little disagreements can still trigger those 'run like h&ll' feelings. They're very disconcerting in and of themselves, but combined with other stress, has really got me worried at times.
When times like this hit, how do I: - calm myself down in the moment and squelch that urge to pack up my bags and take off - reassure myself that staying put is the best option - look at all the possible motivations that could have caused the argument/disagreement rather than just resorting to blaming or self-blame - put the issue into perspective so that I can continue to work at the M in good faith?
Thanks very much for your help. FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
When times like this hit, how do I: - calm myself down in the moment and squelch that urge to pack up my bags and take off - reassure myself that staying put is the best option - look at all the possible motivations that could have caused the argument/disagreement rather than just resorting to blaming or self-blame - put the issue into perspective so that I can continue to work at the M in good faith?
Google: Martin Seligman ABCDE Technique
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thx dbmod for this info. I am really wondering where I am in this. My H and I have had NO R talks about any personal issues but talk alot about doing things together, around the house, garden etc with each other. He still occasionally spews venon when drinking heavily (major increase in the last 6 months). He will throw in my face names of 20-30 year old women that he sees. In my earlier posts I mentioned I had no idea when these trysts were taking place as he is constantly texting, IMing, emailing me from his office during the day. At night he is home every single night with me or we are together out doing things. All things we have always done. We sleep in the same bed but no affection at all. He gave me a quick peck on the lips Sunday night cause I cooked a killer dinner. Other than that zero physically. Its been alooooong time since a real kiss, hug has happened. So where the HE*L are we?
