I think most of us that have been on here awhile certainly know we can't demand things from our H until the right time. Then it has to be done with care. T2, I'm in that process you spoke of. I'm getting to that place where I'm getting stronger and not quite so "needy." I'm determined to turn my M around, but I'm tired, and its time to start taking care of Rachael too. I said on my thread that I want and need peace. It's been two yrs of total hell for me. Suicide thoughts, missing work, aniety TOTALLY out of control, panic attacks, my health basically went to hell from all the stress. I've almost got that back thank goodness, but it's been a long uphill climb for every little thing I've gained. I will have to fight anxiety for maybe the rest of my life. Somewhere, somehow, I'm starting to build confidence that I'm going to be ok.(((((WOW)))))) I'm still afraid, but not every single minute of every single day like I was. Being alone does not terrify me like it did. I still don't much care for it, but I guess ya learn to live with it. Point is to DBer's reading this is: THIS IS A PROCESS!!! You will not do everything right no matter how determined you are. It will take you a long time to forgive and you'll never forget it. It will feel hopeless, but it's not. There will be so many ups and downs you'll feel dizzy from it. Set your mind on your goal and keep striving to reach it no matter what happens. We all have to go through it. There's no way around it. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and the most painful as well. I see a little light at the end of this LONG tunnel. It drives me to keep going. Some day I believe I'll be where you are T2, because I can see the baby steps we're taking. I also know the power of my determination, and unless he just flat leaves me, (I think he would have done that by now) I have to believe we'll get through this. I've got alot of people on here to thank for thier support. We hold each other up-this is a powerful support network. To those starting the process-you will have to ultimately have to fine what works for you and your M, but LISTEN to the people on this bb. SO many times I didn't and I would probably be alot further along if I had. Still........I'm coming along. Rachael
