You insight is very good. I have been posting on the infidelity site under Truth or Lies. There is a lady named Helen that has been very helpful on the detaching stuff.
My background is wife has had an EA for about a year (to my knowledge) full disclouse by her 6 weeks ago. No real change in her distant withdrawen nice but not really the same person.
It has gotten to the point that I have begun to detach. I guess in a lot of ways all through this period I have needed confirmation from her that everything is OK. Maybe a hug a kiss or something like a call from her. I must look and act very needy. She sometimes will kiss me or give me a hug. Sex in the last two years has always been started by me. Now forget about it and it is almost always me asking for it and her saying no. This has gone on all year.
Funny but over the last month or so through a natural process I feel myself detaching from her. I am becoming stronger (still have moments of weakness). My big problem with detaching is if I do this am I still giving 110% to the marriage. I would hate to have us end up getting divoried without me knowing in my heart that I have not given it 110%.
So how can you really work on your marriage while detaching. Your background sounds a little like my wife. I have been the one to suggest couseling (she goes), I read the books, go the Internet etc. She does nothing in these areas.
So please help me find the balace between detaching and working on our marriage. The goodness that I have done over the last year has not gone unoticed from my wife. Her behavior though has gotten worse. Contact with OM she says is none now.
