Talk me out of it!

[MrBond]

Make yourself look "hot" to show him what he's missing. Put on your best perfume and don't give him too much attention. Be friendly towards him and just plant the seed of doubt in his mind.

If he compliments you, just say 'thank you' and go on with business as if it was just a passing comment.

[DoneAfter10]

Thanks, Mr. Bond. I do try to look as attractive as possible when he is around. He has made the statement that his feelings regarding how attracted to me haven't changed in all this. So, I know he finds me "hot" so to speak, but I do try to make myself most desirable when he's around--without being obvious or over the top. I doubt he will compliment me, but I will follow your advice if he does. I think I get nervous about what he may say regarding his new apartment or his life without me and the baby. Those comments always get me down even though I try really hard not to show it. He is coming around more often and volunteered to stay at the house two nights this week to help with the baby. Don't know if this is guilt and b/c he misses the baby--or if maybe he misses me a little too. That's the hard part--not knowing!! ugh!

[angel61]

My H cut off contact with OW after thanksgiving and was VERY depressed and withdrawn. His actions towards me got so bad compared to when he was with OW. I realized that having contact with OW lifted his spirits up and made him happy with me and the family as well, and now, he is half crazed I think.

Over the weekend, he suddenly became cheerful, and I started being suspicious. True enough, just found out he is trying to contact OW again, on the pretext of some work related stuff (they used to work together).

Keep your guard up! But try to enjoy the night with Santa. For you, for your baby, and also to give him memories of good times, which could be part of him getting attracted to going back to you and the family.

[MrBond]

"That's the hard part--not knowing!!"

Just remember that you're doing all these things for yourself. You look "hot" because, well, it makes you feel good. Don't put the emphasis on him. Just you and the baby. Make it memorable and fun, but don't emphasize the relationship part.

[DoneAfter10]

I've truly wondered if he is back with her b/c of his change in behavior. He was depressed and very down after he decided to file for D. Once I started the DB techniques and stopped the R talk, he got a lot better after about a week or two of that. So, I don't know if he is feeling guilty and his behavior is changing or if he is noticing the changes in me and that is prompting the change in him. I just don't know. I just know things are different. He has agreed to go to a marriage workshop in January, but I don't know the motivating factor behind it. I'm wondering if he is with the OW how he is going to explain to her that he won't be available for 3 days in January....This is all so confusing and hard. Some days I feel hope, others I just don't know anymore. But, I can't give up yet. I have to have faith in God.

[tank]

da10, i am happy that you husband is going to the seminar with you. If you read the DR book then you know you need to take baby steps. Recognize them as such, and look for more. Keep doing everything for you and your baby.

I hope that the sanat photos are a great family memory. You need them and so does your child. Keep it simply about that.

I notice the post about the spouse being depressed after breaking contact with OW, well we all know this is going to happen. Sometimes that connection is so strong it feels like they lose everything.

My wife came home, was so upset about losing OM she left and went home. It happens, i let anger take over and just ruined all my hard work. Dont worry about what he is doing with OW, i know it is hard, but you need to focus on you and your child.

Your doing great, keep up the good work. You will come out of this a better person.