....He had originally said he was willing to attend counseling, but when I finally found a sex therapist that would see us he started to back track and we had a huge fight about it last night.
Again, congratulations on trying. You might ask him what he fears. You might suggest that this is something you need and you also need his support in attending therapy with him.
I have a slightly different perspective on things, which may or may not help you.
I really believe that in most marital problems both parties share some responsibility, even if one shares more of it than the other. This belief of mine is why I found you next comment so interesting....
Originally Posted By: Changed Woman
....I find it difficult to feel desire for someone that is so obviously repulsed by me. I feel so broken and lost....
Ask yourself if your husband might be able to say those words. Ask if you might be causing him as much pain as he might be causing you.
At the point in my marriage where my wife turned herself around, she asked (with the help of a sex therapist) why should she want to have sex with me, when I had withdrawn from her emotionally. When my wife realized that she had withdrawn from me emotionally and that I was in as much pain as she was over the lack of closeness and affection, that is when she began to understand and began to try to forgive me.
Up until then, we had both been caught in a vicious circle where her rejection caused me to pull back from her and focus on work more and home less, and that in turn made her feel more rejected and that made her pull back farther from me emotionally. While I stopped the circle of withdrawal first, it took her months to also stop and for us to start building a relationship again.
If you are really at the end of your emotional rope, do what you need to, to find happiness. I wish you the best of luck and happiness.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
