Quote: I have also told my H EXACTLY what I need and want from him in order to be assured that I am 'safe.' He has done at least 80% of those things already...AND he knows that he will either do the other 20% in a reasonable amount of time OR I WILL give him his walking papers and deal with the transition into singlehood.
I love my H...I'm happy that he's home, I'm happy with the way I feel these past few weeks and I'm satisfied with the way our R is going at this time....but, I am also strong enough NOW to know that if HE can't/won't do a few things that I've asked, then I will walk come spring...loving him as I let him go for good. T2
Wow, your husband has responded positively to 80% of the things you have requested, but you will walk in the spring if he doesn't go the last 20%? You have very high expectations, don't you? Or have I misunderstood something here? I realize you are referring to aspects of his behaviour that make you feel safe, regarding his A and walking, presumably? Do you have a general list for improvements over the 'old' marriage?
I am just wondering, does your H have a 'want list' for changes from you too? If so, how much have you responded?
The last seven months post bomb, I have moved from thinking that most or all the fault and blame for any problems in our marriage was H's, to realising that I too have been blind or deaf to some of his points, that I may be too controlling in certain areas, too perfectionist. No one can affect a complete character makeover even to please their spouse. They can try, but the effort will exhaust them!
I met H for a quick coffee and chat the other day. He was smoking a fat cigar, taken up since bomb dropped. I really do detest smoking, and the image of my H smoking a cigar was repellent and almost made me laugh. But I also felt great love for him, and realized that his smoking or not smoking isn't, or shouldn't be, the factor in whether I love him still or not. I certainly wouldn't have flushed my marriage down the toilet over the issue of smoking.
Season's greeting all, and please do drop by my thread if you can!
Livnlearn (Newbie piecer needs advice and encouragement)
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
