As you well know by now..."nicey nice" is NOT my style. Yes I did DB...like halting R talks, doing affirmations (when deserved) started treating H more like a 'friend' than a H.
Now to clarify something, when I said I "halted R talks" that doesn't mean to say that I went mum. Not at all. What I did do however was pick my 'battles' wisely. I sorted out pain from reality and once I'd given myself a good talking to, IF I had a 'burning question' I asked it. I wasn't confrontational I was straight forward and made the question ME related. Ex. "H, I was a bit down today because I started thinking about the time you said that you and OW never went anywhere in public so that no one would ever see you with someone else. If that's true, then where did you go? I feel I need to know so that I won't be paranoid about the places we go together." And he would answer. Sometimes with full on honesty, other times with 1/2 truths depending on how foolish or ashamed the TRUTH would make him feel.
I also don't allow ANYTHING that 'triggers' me to slide anymore. If he says or does anything that causes my heart or stomach to cramp (you know what I mean) I straight out say something about it, THEN and THERE.
I have also told my H EXACTLY what I need and want from him in order to be assured that I am 'safe.' He has done at least 80% of those things already...AND he knows that he will either do the other 20% in a reasonable amount of time OR I WILL give him his walking papers and deal with the transition into singlehood.
I love my H...I'm happy that he's home, I'm happy with the way I feel these past few weeks and I'm satisfied with the way our R is going at this time....but, I am also strong enough NOW to know that if HE can't/won't do a few things that I've asked, then I will walk come spring...loving him as I let him go for good. T2
