Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

Thanks Bond.

I had some setbacks last night. I questioned her about the wine glass. I just said "so I guess you had a friend over the other night", as she just said "No". So I said I noticed the single wine glass of the drying rack. She said she was "getting some stuff ready for Christmas and she noticed that one of the wine glasses was dirty" - I wish I never said anything because this seems like such a lame answer. Regardless she got upset and said "There isn't anyone else, you just annoy me".

I realize I screwed up again, it's just hard to keep my emotions in check sometimes. I told her I wasn't trying to say anything, simply noticed something that was inconsistant and instead of keeping it in I just thought I let her clear it up.

Anyways, I avoided her the rest of the night - partly because I was pissed off and partly because I know she was angry with me.

Unfortunately my youngest D woke up, and she wouldn't go back to sleep. I got up with her first, took her to the bathroom and put her back to bed but she just kept crying. At this point I had less than 5 hours before I had to get up for work, so I told my W I was going to just let her cry for a bit. My W got angry and told her I "always" do this to her. I don't care that she has to get up with kids in the morning - that she was already asleep so I should have just sucked it up and got my D back to bed. In the end I was the one who actually got her to back to sleep.

Anyways - detaching now. I can see again that anytime I question her at all, no matter how nicely I try to present it she just gets upset. Told me again "You don't listen to me", which she is specifically referencing the fact she doesn't love me anymore.

What I don't understand...and I want to scream it at her. WTF does she want me to do about it??? I barely talk to her anymore. I can't change that I still love her, even though at times I wish I could. I'm not moving out of my house - away from my kids.

Anyways, she's still wearing her wedding ring and sleeping in the same bed with me.

I start counselling today and she's still receptive to counselling, but I think it's because she wants to reinforcement of her feelings...that life would be much better without me.

I know that I need to stick to the plan, GAL and detach. DETACH DETACH DETACH.