H's MLC - he is still lost but I found myself

[BeingMe]

Your H is not thinking straight. Your D16 should ask someone else to serve them if they come in again, or take her break. I am sure her boss would understand. They are putting her in a very uncomfortable position, and that's not fair.

I also got an email from H asking to make a cheque to a Lawyer, looks like he got some advice on the SA...he is also asking to meet with me about it to "talk about some points". And I got a bill from my lawyer for $2500 for her work on the Agreement.....not a good day today.

Just remember, be firm, businesslike, and don't give him anything he doesn't deserve. If I recall you own a business together? Might be a little difficult then.

Couldn't find you on DB/FB, but it doesn't give me the option to see all the "likes", so I can only see some of the people. Not sure how to change that.

[seeking answers]

Mila,

The very thing your H and ow did is my D18's biggest fear. She also works as a cashier. She made it clear to her Dad from the very beginning that she had no interest in meeting ow. So far he has respected her wishes. She has said she doesn't know how she would react if he came through her line with the ow. Just the thought makes her ill.

Has your D told her Dad that she felt uncomfortable to have them come through her line?

MLCer's are extremely selfish and insensitive. They could care less or maybe incapable of taking anyone else's feelings into consideration.

It's possible your H's change in demeanor (again) had to do with his visit to the L. The L probably fired him up over the agreement. If you don't want to meet over the SA with your H tell him to tell his L to send the proposed problems to your L. Let the L's hash it out and deal with it.

(((Hugs)))

[punkin]

That very thing happened to our D32. She is the security officer at a Wal-Mart Super Store and saw him and OW on her security screens. Yes, she could have let it pass, but it upset her. She went down, walked up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and asked if there wasn't another place he could f@@@@ shop without rubbing it in her face. He hasn't been back in her store to this day. But your D is much younger, and not able to handle herself as well.

I wish I could give you invaluable advice on the SA, but my H took one look at my first proposal and shut down. Whether they like it or not, marriage is a BUSINESS, and the BUSINESS of divorce is not pleasant.

Why do so many MLC'rs initiate this but are unable to see the big picture beats me. Everything they do beats me.

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[Mila]

Thank you BM, SA & Punkin

I feel that we are drifting further and further away from each other with H....in my mind when I go over the last year, there were times where he would show confusion, feelings forwards me, concern....emotions....now I see nothing....I guess as he builds a stronger relationship with OW, the less I matter.

Yesterday we talked a bit with D after she told me about the store visit....Obviously it must have affected her since she had the need to tell me about it, but she didn't seem angry or outraged....more of a "guess what happened mom". I said "Dad probably wants you to get used to it" and she replied "I'm used to it".
Another thing she said in our conversation "I'm not excusing what Dad did, but he told me that he didn't do it on purpose, didn't plan on this happening, It just happened".....I replied it doesn't just happen, we always have choices.

I'm sure that he is painting himself in the best possible colors when he talks to D about what he did....and I don't really want to talk to her about the details and the business and financial consequences of this on our family, I'm being so careful not to say anything that could be interpreted as blaming him in front of her.

BM - I'll make a post on DB/FB, you will be able to see that

[Mila]

BM - I "liked" Michele's post "how to recover from an affair". When you click on the "likes" you should be able to see me.

[BeingMe]

Okay. Done.

[AntoniaB]

If you guys are on FB I'll try to find you; I'm there too!

[courageous wife]

Hi Mila...

feel that we are drifting further and further away from each other with H

I feel that too! We have to remember that we are still really new at this! Your H's OW was married too and that has more complications!

I honestly think that all is not as it seems in your sitch!!

[Mila]

Hi BM - look in your message box
Antonia - hope you'll find us

Just came back from a meeting with H re: SA.....He took my L's draft to his lawyer so I though that he wanted to talk about the outcome, found out that he wanted to meet about the points HE objected to, lawyers analysis will come later...so what was the point of this if (I'm sure) more objections are coming from his H?

To make a long story short, H wants me out of the company...he is giving me the house I walk away from the company.....The other objections were that he didn't like that I wanted us to set salaries...H "was offended" (his words), he shouldn't have to answer to me for the money he takes out.....

So apparently he is not signing it the way it is....have to wait to what his L comes back with as well. BTW he chose a "will" lawyer to do this for him....

My overall impression was that this was a fight for autonomy on H's part...and control...he was fighting everything where I would have any control and say in his future life.

After the SA stuff was done...and yes it was emotional on my part and angry on his, we talked about D & Xmas.

Told him I'm going away for a before Xmas ski weekend with D...his eyes started to water...he said I don't know what I'm going to do about Xmas (he has OW coming for 2 weeks)...maybe he was hoping that I'll invite him over?

He again brought up how tired he is....I said "You have been extremely tired for a long time now"..."OK I'm depressed, is that what you want to hear?" he replies...wow...I asked if he is still on his medication...said yes...I inquired "what does the doctor think?" and H said "He just gives me a refill anytime I need it"

We also talked about his Dad how ill he is and I said that I'll go and see him before Xmas and bring him some Xmas cookies that he asked for (he loves my Xmas cookies)...H started to cry...and said "This is all too much"

We ended on a good note talking about D and how well she is doing in school...When we parted I hugged him and planted a kiss on his cheek...he held onto me very hard

[glamgirl]

Wow Mila. That doesn't sound like he is drifting further away. I think I found you on FB and sent you a friend request.