GAL with waw. Stuck bad.

[habitacker]

Thanks for everyone reply's. Sandi2 you are correct. I do great for a couple days and then it seems like I fall apart again. I do show more impatience and desperation on my posts than I do around my wife. I am keeping my cool off screen. I think this is my only place for release. But I am sure you are right that she probably senses it even if I think I am not showing it. It is so darn hard.
The tone of your post seems to be the hardest you have came down on me. I appreciate it, I really do. Your posts have helped me greatly. I have been dependant on my wife and now I am being dependant on this forum. I need to be more reliant on myself. I guess I have always needed others approval.
I have to choose a path, and I want it to be DBing but I just can't get other options off my mind. I just have a hard time seeing her come to me. She never has with problems and that is why I am in this so deep. I am not blaming her, but in some weird way I am. The problems were not her fault,but trying to fix them? yes. She was the only one that knew that something was wrong. If she was afraid to come to me before,why will she now or later. Yes, I know this is desperate of me, but it is my only and last chance, I just want to know if DBing is the course I should take?
Nobody really needs to answer that. That would be asking for a guarantee.
As for the e-mails. I used to check on her a lot at the beginning because the first thing I thought was there has to be an A. I quit looking mainly because I never found anything, and I realized she is better than that. She left her appointment info laying on the kitchen table and has always told me when she has a doctor appointment. She hasn't hidden it and I wasn't looking for it. As for the diabete's stuff she looked up on the computer? I went to history to find something of mine and the diabetes thing was just right in front of me. I wasn't really snooping for anything, it was just there.
If I wanted to I could look at anything. Her phone is charging in the kitchen not to far from the couch where I sleep. I have looked in the past, and felt stupid everytime.
My mom left my dad when she found someone else and if you look around there usually is an affair of some sort when this happens. So this was naturally my first thought even though one of the first things she said to me was there is nobody else. I should actually take this as a positive. There could be someone else.
The stuff I do around the house now, laundry,clean,vacumn,cook. I really want to help and do these things, but is this bad? Does it make me look desperate? I don't think I should stop anything I have started though, it would make it look fake when it is not. I actually enjoy folding my daughters cute little clothes. I am sure this joy fades over time.lol.
I have put all new windows and doors in the house over the past few weekends. It was something that needed done for a long time. Sure, I am probably doing it because of the wake up call. But it is what I want to do. It is my house, and my family and I am tired of neglecting them. Was this bad to do? Can doing the things I should have done in the past be bad? I can't show her love, can at least show who I want to be now? Or can this backfire.
Thanks.