'Boundaries' like these are ultimatums, and if they take you further from your goal, what good are they. I understand you have a limit with which you can live.
Stretch your boundary to bring more love into your family, especially for your kids. You can't dissolve it completely because you've set it and you want to be believed. So choose where you will relax it--especially for the kids. In doing so, you might soften your wife's heart towards you. Seeing your kids joy will probably warm your heart as well.
